A Ugandan clown car...

I have a funny story today that I hope you enjoy! I took out a big chunk of detail because I was afraid I’d be accused of “using too many words” :) …but if I ever write my book, it’ll all be there or if you’re curious I can send it your way. Believe me, living the story wasn’t THAT enjoyable (although I’m getting a laugh as I write about it), but in the end it was very Ugandan and very much worth it (I stayed in a very peaceful, gorgeous and relaxing location; had a great hike to the “top of the world” [first pic above, storm coming over the forest], and ran into some baboons on my guided tour of the swamp and then again on my motorbike ride back to the guesthouse…there were about 30 or 40 just hanging out along the road!).

Last Wednesday I decided to plan a very last minute weekend trip after learning that all of my colleagues were going to be going home Thursday afternoon until Monday night due to the Easter holiday. It gets lonely enough on a regular weekend in my quiet town, so I looked at the map and decided that Kibale National Park would be a perfect destination: not too far, I guessed it would take about 4-6 hours, and it had been recommended by a friend in DC who had recently been there and also suggested a place to stay.

Friday, March 21
9:30 AM: Depart Lyantonde for Mbarara

10:30 AM: Arrive Mbarara to catch bus to Bigodi / Chimpanzee Guest House
1:00 PM: Depart Mbarara for Bigodi
4:00 PM: Arrive small, random town and am told to get on a different bus that will take me to Bigodi
5:30 PM: Arrive small, random town and am told to get into car that will take me to Bigodi

Really? You’re sure? What choice did I have? I got into the car and expected we would leave soon enough since there were already 3 others in the car. Two women approached a few moments later with a baby, one got in front to make 3 adults and a baby and one got in back to make four of us. It was a squeeze, but I thought…I’m almost there!

We pulled out but within minutes the driver stopped for 2 more women. I was shocked. WHERE were these women going to sit? I was already squeezed between the car door and the woman beside me and out of all the women in the car, I was the second smallest, even with my big hips! By the time we pulled away, there were 4 adults in front with a baby and 5 of us big hipped women in back. For the next hour my ass was not even on the seat, but instead wedged between the door and the woman next to me. My left butt cheek and leg were on the arm rest of the door, my right outer thigh anchored to the woman’s leg beside me, my right foot/leg holding as much weight as possible, my head and neck tilted to the right since I was sitting too high to sit up straight, both hands holding the arm handle above the door attempting to hold the weight that my leg couldn’t hold. Every time I thought we would be letting someone out and I would have some relief from this discomfort, someone else would be squeezed in. At one point there were 4 adults in front with 2 babies and 5 of us in the back with one toddler!!! Somehow, I eventually managed to get my right elbow between all the bags on the window sill behind me so that I could hold my tilted head up and provide some relief for my neck. Now, my boobs were cradling the left shoulder of the woman beside me and, in the confusion of this entire crazy situation, she mistook my crotch for the arm rest that my ass was hiding and rested her elbow and arm there.

Around 6:15 pm, 2 of the women in the back were dropped off, but one came back after buying some fruit. For those few minutes, it was just me, the woman next to me and her baby. My right leg, hip and neck were all quite sore from the last hour and ached, but I was happy for the moment of relief. We finally left that little town with 4 of us in the back; still not exactly comfortable…but at least my butt was in the seat and my head was no longer tilted to one side. As the woman next to me pulled her voluptuous breast out to feed her hungry baby girl, she elbowed me repeatedly in my own somewhat smaller, but still existent, right boob…this happened several times with not so much as an “excuse me”, but who am I to complain?

At 6:45 pm, after travelling for more than 9 hours, I was dropped off on the side of the road next to a sign that said CHIMPANZEE GUEST HOUSE. I could only hope that I had truly arrived…but, after the day I had just had, I was dubious. I was so excited at the start of the day; then my patience started to fade around 4 pm; my frustration mounted at 5; I was uncomfortable all day, but that peaked at 5:30 and didn’t let up til 6:30. If I had been in the states, I would have complained or argued with the transportation folks (or just driven the 4 hours to get there on my own!)…but as I am in another country, I must go with the flow of their lives. So, as I calmly looked out the window of that car and took deep breaths, I focused on two things: the men suffering true pain and discomfort in the non fiction novel I’m reading. In 1815, an American ship wrecked on the west coast of Africa and the men were taken captive as they reached the end stages of dehydration and starvation. Unfortunately, they were then forced to suffer further as they travelled throughout the Sahara with their unforgiving Arab captors. Already exhausted and weak, the men were bloodied from the skin on the inside of their legs chafing on the camels they were riding without saddles, their feet were shredded as they ran alongside the camels on the sharp stones to give their legs a rest, their naked bodies (the Arabs had taken all of their clothing) were literally roasted by the sun to the point of being covered in raw skin and they were wasting away due to a lack of food and water. How could I complain because I was stuffed tighter than a can of sardines into the Ugandan version of a clown car (which, coincidentally, was not funny AT ALL) whilst reading of the terrible true life suffering of these seamen??? The second thing I focused on? BEER. All I could hope was that at the end of this unbelievably and unexpectedly long day, there would be a beer available to drink!

And there was.

And a beautiful sunset too.