A time of mourning...

My forever angel

Well, I haven’t even had a chance to share my first post with most of you, and unfortunately, my second one must start with sadness. There is just no way that I can avoid acknowledging the loss of one the most important people in my life…my angel, my grandma. My biggest fear when I came on this journey to Uganda was not of being eaten by a lion or kidnapped by rebels (serious risks in some parts of Africa so my friends liked to remind me)…but of being so unbearably far away when my tired and weak grandmother passed away. It is hard to describe the complete devastation a person can feel when you read an email giving you such heartbreaking news, especially when you are so impossibly far from all those by whom you yearn to be...

And on a day in which I had been a part of some important moments in the community…meeting organic farmers eager to learn what they can do to better their production (and sharing with them my own sister’s organic farming journey); meeting a woman living with AIDS looking for assistance with a new home or at least a better food supply…she is a widow of HIV, mother to 3 children, taking care of a 4th child (her brother’s child) because he too succumbed to the disease; and finally meeting a woman whose house was destroyed in a storm last year and has been living in a makeshift shelter with 4 of her 9 children…she too a widow of AIDS, who remarried just to be abandoned by that second husband and left with 3 small children for which to care. All of them telling their stories with such grace and dignity in the face of such hardship. It was such a productive day in the field…my second of many…and it helped me see what I am here to do. Whether or not I am able to figure out how to update RACOBAO’s website (something they were really hoping I could help with and I’m still putting my best foot forward!)…I was full of hope today and had many thoughts of different possibilities and networking that can be done to help make things happen. Of course, I will have to lean on all of you reading this for help and support in realizing some of those thoughts and hopes…but there is so much hope. There is so much to be done and this organization and its staff are amazing. They truly care about the well being of their neighbors and have so many projects going on it’s hard to keep track of them all. They never stop smiling, even after a long day out in the field meeting with different people in need or interviewing potential volunteer counselors…their smiles are still there and it is truly amazing. Their compassion, kindness, genorisity and sincerity is unwavering and inspiring.

It was my new friend and colleague, Goretti, who helped me phone my family while I was in tears. And Ruth who told me to stay strong, Steven as well…obviously understanding my pain, but knowing they could do little to help. Most of the staff goes home on the weekend to be with the families that they spend the week missing...but Goretti actually cancelled her trip home so that we can spend the day together tomorrow. There was no talking her out of it, she did not want me to be alone…she will be here at 11 to walk with me to town for lunch. In a moment when I felt sooooo alone and far from the people I wish I could be with, the compassion of these very new friends and colleagues reminded me of the beauty in this world.

So, my final words today are for my dear sweet angel...it is so difficult to pay tribute to the amazing woman that you were in simple words, but in a very meager attempt to honor one of the most beautiful people that I will ever have the pleasure of knowing… For so many years now, you have been my living angel and it is with great sorrow (and selfishness) that I must admit that you are now my angel from above. I know you have gone to a beautiful place, a place that you deserve to be more than anyone else…but I truly wanted to have you here with me forever. I hate that I am so far away and unable to be with you and all those that love you; but please take with you forever all of my love. You will always be with me…your sweet smile, your soft skin, your gorgeous shining white hair, your beautiful blue eyes, your comforting and loving hugs…every touch, every moment, everything…you will always be with me. I carry you with me…I carry you with me in my heart.