A fresh start in Uganda

Well, I finally made it back to Lyantonde! Leaving Jinja was a bit sad…saying goodbye to the river and a few of my friends…but I know I’ll go back for some short visits and I know that leaving is ultimately what I needed to do in order to salvage this trip/experience (and the sense of calm I feel not living there is really welcoming!). A place may be beautiful, but if it is surrounded by ugly people, that beauty can be lost.

So, I spent last weekend in Kampala and then made my way to the bus park Monday morning at 11:30. Of course, the conductor of the bus told me we’d be leaving in an hour and no other buses would leave before then. And of course, it was 2 ½ hours later (and an hour after seeing a different bus pull out) that we finally pulled out of the park. So what can take 3 hours in a private car, ended up taking 6 hours by bus. But I made it! I arrived to find my colleagues finishing up a day’s work, so I dropped my bags off in my old room and had them drop me off in town for dinner. We haven’t had power all week (Sunday thru Wednesday at 5 pm), so we’ve been depending on the generator to get us through the work days. The weather in this part of the country is much cooler and rainier than in Jinja (although today looks gorgeous!). Life is generally much quieter. And although the quiet can make you lonely…it is also quite peaceful. So, for now, I am reacquainting myself with my old hometown in Uganda and getting used to the lifestyle here again. For this is where I found myself last spring; this is where I found my happiness and peace and I just cannot give up on this trip until I try to make things work here. Even this past weekend I was still thinking about leaving Uganda early and just getting home to the comfort of loving family and friends and true friendship. But I hate the idea of going home and having people ask me about Uganda and me just not wanting to even talk about it. I have missed out on so many things at home since coming back here (Election Day, a good friend’s wedding, 10 year High School Reunion, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve, Inauguration, Steelers big Super Bowl win, Luke’s birthday this week, and Maeve’s birthday next week…just to name the big things) and I was willing to give those things up to be here and have another amazing experience…but to miss out on those things for the experience I have had so far, it’s just not okay. So, I am really giving it my best shot and diving into work and hoping to make the most of the time I have left. And in a few weeks, if I still find myself not feeling right about being here…well, I will cross that bridge if I come to it.

And for another quick kayaking update: I got my stitches out after 8 days and got back on the water the next day to attempt that Grade 3, 50/50. I was really nervous getting in and out on the rocks but managed to survive the day without any new cuts. I also made my way down my first Grade 3 keeping my balance and just barreling through the big waves. It was amazing! Charlie decided I would be fine to try the Grade 3 section of the river which has about 5 rapids…so on January 26th we headed out with five other friends and I attempted to tackle a section of the river I had never seen before. Unfortunately, these Grade 3s (which seemed like Grade 4s and were much longer than 50/50) were also harder to get into than 50/50 and I ended up swimming 3 of them (3 of the most insane swims I have ever had on the river). As Zoe said after the first one, “that was an epic swim mate!” Two of the swims were my fault because I lost my balance turning through the boiling water trying to get into the rapids and in the other one I was making my way through just fine but ended up playing bumper boats with Charlie as we went through one of the bigger waves and when our boats hit, we both lost our balance. Since Charlie has been doing this for 11 years, he just rolled back up, but me…well, I had to release my skirt and go for another swim! I was so frustrated with myself during those swims and disappointed in my failures, but all of the others seemed to think it was okay…they explained that they had all learned the same way, we all swim, you just have to keep trying and practicing. Fortunately, I ended the day by conquering the Nile Special rapids…one of the longer ones…I didn’t go into the famous wave, but rather paddled down the middle of the river so that I could attempt to make it down the entire series of waves. I even managed to surf for a few seconds on top of the third wave…it was an amazing feeling to get down that rapid without flipping or swimming! A few of the people I kayaked with that day have asked when we’re going again…I just kind of chuckle to them. I do think that I could do it if I had a chance to practice a bit more…but I’m not sure there will be time now that I’m living 6 hours away. Maybe I will give it another shot, maybe I won’t...but at least I can say I tried kayaking Grade 3 rapids on The Nile River in my own, single person Fluid Flirt kayak once! P.S. I sold that kayak the day I left Jinja…so if I do get on the river again, I will have to borrow a boat…

I love the picture where you can see me on the back of Hassan's boat as he paddles me to my boat which Koa is lifting above his head to get all of the water out. Too funny!

Getting my life in order with a few stitches

I have had some time to think and absorb what happened the first weeks of this year. And I have thought a lot about what I have missed since I arrived back in Uganda. I have been soooo unfocused and unmotivated, most especially this last month because of the holidays and then the unexpected drama. So I am trying to regain my focus and am going to do some work that I came here to do in the first place.

I spent Friday with a small, rural organization in Eastern Uganda (RARUDO) that is very similar to RACOBAO, the AIDS organization in the south that I worked with in the spring. I was the “guest of honor” and treated to many songs and dances by the women the organization helps; told about the work the organization does for the women, children, elderly and disabled in the community; shown two of the members’ farms and told how the organization has changed their lives; treated to delicious local food and really made part of their family for the day. It was beautiful and amazing to see their spirits, hear their stories and just be in their presence. And so wonderful to be back in the rural communities watching Ugandans help other Ugandans. I left them with a $130 donation (250,000 Ugandan Shillings) from the money we raised this summer at the fundraisers. It wasn’t my intention before going that I would do this, but after meeting the people in the organization and seeing how they are truly trying to help change the lives of community members in need in a sustainable way…well, I realized that the money we raised was meant for such projects and such people and it only seemed right. It wasn’t a large donation…but if the founder and executive director doesn’t have to put so much of his own money in this month (since 1996 he has put in about US $35,000), then it’s not too small either.

Spending the day with RARUDO got me so excited about heading back to Lyantonde to work with RACOBAO again. I had already made plans to go for 2-3 weeks in February before the holidays, but I am going to stay a bit longer than that. I want to be a part of that team and that family again; I want to be a bigger part of that work while I’m still here. I want to do what I loved and what made me want to come back in the first place. Of course I loved the river too, but coming back to the river has taken me away from RACOBAO. So hopefully I’ll have some better blogs to write soon enough!

In the meantime, a quick kayaking story: Last Tuesday, I finally had another chance to go on the river to practice rolling in the moving water and kayaking in general. I was so excited about spending the day on the water (it’s soooo peaceful) and attempting my first Grade 3. After the first 2 hours and a few Grade 2s, we took a break for lunch. When we got back in the water, I was meant to walk around 2 bigger rapids and then paddle down to the Grade 3 for practice. Unfortunately, I never made it. I was trying to get back into my kayak from the rocks, but they were very slippery and even with one of the local village boys holding the boat, I kept slipping. At one point, I felt as though I had just rubbed my foot the wrong way on the rock and stopped for a moment cringing with temporary pain. When I finally got into the kayak, I saw some blood in the boat…I had sliced my big toe pretty badly. It wouldn’t stop bleeding and I could even see some of the inside of my toe on the outside! I couldn’t believe it…NO NO NO! I wanted to continue on to the Grade 3, but knew that I really shouldn’t/couldn’t. Ugh. So, I made my way to the hospital in town and got the first 3 stitches of my life. Too bad the doctor (who had my friend assisting him instead of a nurse) didn’t numb my entire toe, so when he put the first stitch in at the bottom, where the cut was the worst, I felt every part of that stitch and cried out in pain. He said, “not to worry, that will be the worst one, I guess I just didn’t put enough of the medicine down there.” Oh…really! I thought he should've put a few more stitches in so that the wound could've healed a bit better, but at the time, I just wanted off his table! So, I’ve been limping around for the last 6 days trying not to get it infected and hoping that no jiggers find their way into the wound. In the process of trying to protect my toe and not step on the cut, I have upset the left side of my foot that I am walking on and in more pain from that than from the cut. Go figure! But hopefully I’ll get the stitches out on Wednesday and have a chance to enjoy the river before heading south for 5 weeks. The no swimming/no river thing is KILLING ME! Especially because it’s soooo hot and dry here…but hey, I’m not complaining (sorry everyone at home in the cold, wintry season) :).

PS...PITTSBURGH's GOING TO THE SUUUUPPPERR BOWL!

New Year's Eve 2008 and what followed

What a year so far. I hesitate to even attempt to explain how the first three weeks of 2009 have played out for me...I have tried writing this many times, but keep stopping myself. It's just so ridiculous and indescribable, and just so hard to try to explain to anyone who hasn't been here, because those of us who live here can't even understand the madness. But at the same time, I feel that it’s important to tell all parts of my story.

New Years Eve was something I looked forward to since I arrived. I was just so excited to experience that holiday here in Uganda with my friends at the campsite overlooking the Nile…being in the village, at the river that I love surrounded by the people I considered to be my closest friends here. I had no idea that the night could go so terribly wrong, but at almost 11:30 pm, I found myself in a physical fight with one of my best friends here. The same Ugandan that I had had trouble with at the end of November erupted with drunken anger that I still cannot understand and attacked me. I could not believe what was happening. When one of the forty or so people on the balcony finally stepped in and pulled him off of me (I was on the ground at this point, but still trying to defend myself), I was told to move away as he continued yelling crazy things to me whilst being held back by at least six other guys. It was insane. So, when the rest of the crowd (who had no idea what had happened outside) started counting down the last seconds of 2008 and celebrating the New Year, I was standing amongst them alone, still in shock and in no mood to celebrate myself. What an awful way to bring in the New Year…but things were only going to get worse.

As I was waking up on January 1st and trying to process the events of the night before, I felt sad, confused and disappointed and wanted to talk with him to find out why all of that had happened and to try to mend our friendship. And in those same moments (7:30 am) in a village room 20 minutes away, he was scripting the first of four text messages he would send in the following days. They were hateful, offensive, threatening and full of expletives…and at the time, they were very hurtful. How can someone you spend so much time laughing with and smiling with and just having easy happiness with…how can they be so willing to not only throw that away, but to be so cruel in the process? I just couldn’t understand having such a reaction. I couldn’t understand having such anger towards a good friend, attacking them both physically and emotionally and then not want to talk about it and try to fix it. I just don’t understand where any of that craziness came from…and it didn’t stop there.

Over the next several days not only did I find out that other people I had considered friends were talking badly about me, but I found out that the one I fought with was telling lies about what happened on NYE and trying to convince everyone in the village and at the campsite to stay away from me and not be my friend. People judge people here because we are different (when I say "here", I don't mean Uganda, I mean in this specific group of human beings living at the river). Rather than embrace the differences and learn from them, people judge. You would never know that they are judging you as you dance with them or chat with them, as you smile and laugh with them…but apparently some of the people here are enjoying your company on the outside and on the inside they are judging you for the very things that they themselves are doing. There is quite a double standard amongst people in this circle: I could do the very same thing that a Ugandan is doing, but I am wrong or a bad person because I’m doing it and no one thinks twice about the Ugandan. In the first two weeks of the year, as I tried every day to stand tall and keep my chin up, I would learn about something else someone was saying or thinking about me or receive another message and just crumble. It was so hard to be in this town and look around at the people I thought were my friends (or at the very least, I never looked at anyone as though they were my enemy) and wonder which of them truly ARE my friends/aren't my enemy. It’s just difficult to be surrounded by such negativity, such deceit, such lies, such hate…living amongst people that think you are a bad person because you are friendly and nice to everyone; it’s so hard. And I definitely never knew that by giving people/friends hugs, I was giving myself a bad name. I’m a hugger. I’ve always been a hugger; I’m affectionate and loving, it’s who I am…I just never imagined that any of those personality traits would get me into trouble. I didn’t realize how misinterpreted and misunderstood I could be. I can appreciate cultural differences, but being judged negatively for the aforementioned reasons is just something I cannot comprehend. And having people pretend to be your friend who really do not like you...this also makes no sense to me. Then just don't be my friend!!! Why waste either of our time and energy pretending?

And for those reasons, the way some of the people in the village here enjoy tearing you down and making you feel so awful, the way they make you feel like you must be a bad person if people are willing to treat you this way…it’s a hard reality to understand. To have someone laugh in your face when they see you cry because they are from a culture that just doesn't show emotions.  All of this just really messes with your head. So, it’s been quite the roller coaster ride, 2009. I have had many hard days, many bad thoughts, many tears, many considerations of leaving early. But every once and a while, I have one of those days that is just so nice in which I’m surrounded by people I do sincerely believe are my friends and I just enjoy the beauty of the river or the simplicity of life here. Every once and a while I have a day that reminds me why I love it here or why I decided to come back in the first place. And those days save my spirit.

You know how people always say, “everything happens for a reason,” and sometimes that just drives us insane, right? I mean, come on….sometimes the reason is SHITTY! But if we try to remove ourselves from the situation and sit back and allow ourselves to see things from the outside (sometimes this takes a while)…every so often a good reason can be found. And I realized this yesterday. I was sitting at the campsite thinking about the friendship that I lost on NYE and realized that in losing that friendship that clearly wasn’t as great as I saw it to be, I actually gained new friendships that are really wonderful that I may have missed out on otherwise. And I am so grateful for those people and our newfound friendships. In all of this craziness, I have become very skeptical and protective of myself...trying to pick and choose who I should allow into my world...and in doing so, I have found a great group of people to keep around.

And as I find my way out of the dark forest I was lost in for the first two weeks of the year, I am letting go of the negativity and sadness. I am leaving the two people I now know are not and will never be my friends (and anyone else who goes along with their charade)…I am leaving them in that forest. They seem to like it in there. They seem to thrive from sadness and negativity; they seem to enjoy bringing people down and watching them suffer. So they can stay there…but I know I don’t belong in there. I hate living life that way; I always have...and although I know I can be negative at times, I do try my best to be positive the majority of the time. I always try to see the good in life, in people. And I know that that gets me in trouble…and believe me, I am going to take this experience with me and learn from it. But I cannot lose myself and who I am because of it. I cannot let them take my happiness...especially because that is what they want. Instead, I smile proudly and remember in my heart that I am a good person and I only need to surround myself by positivity...all the rest is just a puddle I need to jump over in the path.

Reflections and hopes for a better 2009...

I’ve looked back at past blogs, from the spring and from this winter and am a bit disappointed. I apologize to those of you out there reading this and hoping to hear stories about the people I am meeting in the field and working with…about the work that I am doing. To be honest, things haven’t been as fantastic as I had hoped for; and they most certainly have not been as peaceful and relaxing and self reflective as they were in Lyantonde in the spring. The thing is…we make decisions in life and then, somehow, we have to make the most of the situations that arise. And right now, I am really trying my best to make things right…to make them better; to make them what I hoped they would be. I came back to Uganda because I found such happiness here in the work I was doing and the life I was leading gave me so much peace. But I came back to a different town and different work and different people and I just need a bit more time. As one of my closest friends once told me, sometimes we find ourselves completely lost in a deep, dark forest and the sooner we realize we are lost and find the strength to turn around and walk back…the easier it will be to get out and find the light again. I have found myself completely lost and am trying my best to find my way out of the forest...because although 2009 started off completely wrong, there is much time to change that. I still have many hopes that this can be a wonderful year full of exploration, love, adventure, friendship, hope, triumphs, surprises and much much more. "We are the music makers...we are the dreamers of dreams."

To all of you out there that donated money for me to put into the communities and organizations here, please do not doubt that your money is being put to good use. I did a few projects with Soft Power Education before the end of the year and my colleagues at RACOBAO continue to thank me for the funds we have raised. And I know that when I give them another big handful of money later this month, they will thank me again, especially because funds are always so limited for them at the beginning of the year. Your donations are going to help us to get into the field to meet with new families in need and find out how we can help them. They will provide uniforms to children so that they can attend school. They will buy a goat for a family to give them a source of sustainable income. They will be used to help sponsor a child to finish school. They will help a woman living with HIV/AIDS get the medicine she needs to live a healthier life. And so much more. Never doubt that your money is being put to good use, because even if I am still trying to find my way…your donations have never been lost! And again, I thank you all for your generosity.

Christmas and a road trip North

So, the holidays came and went and I kicked myself several times for not being at home with all the people I should’ve been with. I don’t know why I thought it would be okay to be away during this time of the year…I guess I just thought it would be nice to see how things were celebrated somewhere else. But the thing is, it’s hard to celebrate and be happy when you are so far from the people you love who you are used to being with on those occasions. We tried our best to make the most of it though…some of my other Western friends and I. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day until after lunch with 30 street boys from town at the education center. We had a nice big dinner on Christmas Eve with lots of music (I represented the Varleys by trying to get people to dance and it worked after a while), some games, presents (blankets for the boys) and some movies (Elf was my favorite). I remember sitting there during dinner and looking at all the boys so happy to have such a good meal and at once I was sad to be so far from my family, but so happy because if I couldn’t be at home, there was nowhere else that I’d rather be in that moment. It was certainly both different and special. Then on Christmas morning we got up really early to cook them breakfast (on a wood burning fuel efficient stove) and I took 6 of the boys to church which ended up being 3 hours long but really beautiful and relaxing. The way the women sing here is just so raw and natural and peaceful…and there were some children doing some dances as the women sang. I also had the pleasure of having one of my favorite little village boys sit on my lap the whole time since it was so crowded. His name is Devon and he is deaf and mute and sooooo smiley and cute! Oh, and I was asked to read the Second Reading in English…so I got up there and did my best to make my mom proud. After church, we returned to the center to help finish lunch preparations and eat before the boys went back to town. We know it might have only been 20 hours of warmth, security, comfort and love…but we hope that those 20 hours will stay with them for longer and continue to keep them warm inside in some sense.

After eating that lunch, Mamma Joyce (my favorite village woman who cooks the most delicious food at her restaurant) found me and took me to her house so that I know where she lives. But of course, having a guest in your house means you must feed them and give them something to drink. I tried to explain that I was sooooo full from just eating a big lunch, but she insisted I eat something. I forced down a few pieces of delicious meat and some matooke and then she whisked me off for a soda with her brothers. It was so wonderful to sit with them and be a part of the beginning of their family gathering, but unfortunately I couldn’t stay very long because I was supposed to be back at the center helping to clean up from the festivities!

Jami, my roommate and best friend here, and I made our way to the campsite to have a holiday beer and ended up running into Kristen, a new American friend and the three of us spent the entire day together. It was far from what we all wished we could be doing (celebrating at home with family and friends), but it was the best option we had, so we made the most of it. We had a delicious dinner with some other western friends, played some drunken and silly charades and then went out dancing too. So, although it was not like Christmas at all…it turned out to be a pretty good day.

The following day I went on my 10th trip down the Nile with a few friends who came in for rafting. It was the first time my heart really wasn’t in the trip, but it ended up being a great day…of course! On the 27th, I left to meet Jami, Kristen, Alex and Ade up north for a road trip around the countryside. The land up there is very different; it’s so gorgeous and remote and in so many ways untouched because of the years of war. We were so close to the Congo that sometimes we thought we may even be in it…but we were also pretty sure the border would be guarded with heavy security (or even some rebels). All the same, it was an adventure and beautiful; and so wonderful to see a different part of Uganda and remember why we are all here…not for the drama of life in Jinja, but for the people living in rural villages that all of the organizations we work with are trying to help.

We passed several IDP camps that would just pop up in the middle of nowhere…just bunches of huts piled into a small area, people living on top of each other. People are still living there away from their homes, passing their days in normal Ugandan ways: gathering water and wood, cooking, playing, sitting together. And as we passed each camp, I wished we could stop and sit with some of the people; talk with them…but I knew many of them would not welcome us (even though Ugandans are, by nature, very welcoming people). You can just tell as you drive by in the faces of the people that some of them are so happy to see you, but some of them wish they hadn’t seen you at all. And understandably so. They see us driving our vehicle through their little village for just a few seconds and having a quick glance into their lives; lives that they live every minute of every day from which they have very few chances of driving away. They see us and the color of our skin and they assume that our lives must be better, that we are more privileged than they are, that our lives must be easier. And you know what…they are right. I was never forced to leave my home and live in such close quarters with strangers for so many years. I have never had my family members killed or taken away and made into child soldiers. I have never gone to sleep at night worried that tomorrow might never come. And as is typical in all parts of Uganda, not just the north, we drove by at least a hundred people during our 15 hour road trip walking (probably for miles) with wood or water on their heads for cooking, produce for selling or such long bundles of grass that you couldn’t even see the girl’s head. And I have never had to do any of that either. Being up north for those 3 days made us all remember what we are here for in the first place. And for the first time, I did feel lazy. Some Ugandans I see on a daily basis (men) try to tell me that white people are lazy because we don’t carry water or washing on our heads; because we don’t wash our clothes by hand or on the rocks as African women do; because we don’t have 10 babies and still do all of that too (all things that women do, they never mention anything about African men). And I always argue that we are just different. We may not do those things…but that doesn’t make us lazy. We just grew up in a different way. And there are things that we do that I don’t see Ugandans doing…I don’t see them working 10-12 hour days multi tasking in front of a computer, answering the phone, writing contracts, meeting clients, etc. We are just different. But for those few days, I looked at the people (mostly the women) and I did feel lazy.

Christmas time already???

Wow, I can’t believe it is the middle of December already. It feels so strange to be so far from everyone I would normally want to be around this time of year…especially living in this tropical climate, it’s just so hot and dry! I have been listening to my Christmas music this last week and trying to imagine what everyone is doing at home and how you are all feeling. Although it may be cold where you are, you are probably surrounded by friends and family celebrating the holiday with some good music, food and drinks…and really, there is nothing that could keep you warmer than all of that! I do realize what I am missing and part of me wishes that I could be there with all of the people that I love and who love me as well; but at the same time, I am anxious to see what Christmas will be like here in Uganda. We are planning on celebrating at the Education Center with about 30 street children from Jinja town. They will come up Christmas Eve for dinner, games, music, movie, etc. and then stay the night and we will all have breakfast together in the morning. It should be really nice! Who knows what will happen later in the day, but with most of our Ugandan friends busy with family, it may just be me and a few friends playing in the river and enjoying some cold beverages. We shall see…I will keep you posted!

On another note, I had to get my 4th root canal of the year (first in Uganda) last Friday in Kampala. I was a bit nervous about going to the dentist here as I don’t even enjoy going to the dentist at home…but she was recommended by a friend and did a fabulous job. I actually fell asleep during much of the procedure and although I had a bit of post RC pain that day and the following day…I feel so much better! And the beauty of getting it done in Uganda is that without insurance the cost is about $200 (including pain killers, antibiotics and follow up appointment); as opposed to the $1000 or so I spent on each one at home WITH insurance!

In another repeat medical occurrence, I had another jigger removed from my foot yesterday. Different foot and this time on the side near my heel. Because my feet are always so dirty from the village, the dust, my shoes, etc. I can never really tell what’s going on down there. But I noticed a sore spot near where I had some blisters last month and after my shower and a bit of a scrub on the stone floor, I could see a white blister dot with a dark spot in the middle. As soon as I showed my friend, she said “ah, it’s a jigger!” Oh brother…these things love me. I don’t understand how they can burrow themselves in my feet without me noticing, but they do. A few people have told me to where closed shoes instead of the flip flops I’m always sporting. Ugh. Just what I want, to wear tennis shoes all day in the middle of Africa and 80 degree weather. I hate wearing closed shoes in the summer time…sandals are just so much more comfortable! And I did try it out today and it was awful and my toes are still mad at me for closing them in all day. I also have a pretty bad crack on the other side of that same heel that has been problematic for about a month now…it even had me limping for a few days. Hmmmm…

On a lighter note, I went kayaking with Charlie last weekend and although I had a few problems with my rolls, he did take me into the current to practice paddling in the moving water and that was great! I even managed to roll up on my own when the boat flipped over in the moving water (on my second roll attempt). We were both pretty excited about that J.

We had a few good party days this week. Sunday Jami and I were relaxing by the pool at the Nile Resort and went to take a break from the sun and ended up getting a jet boat ride to a random Indian/Muzungu party. We thought we were just riding the boat and then driving back to the resort, but it turned out that they were there with the boat to give the people at the party some rides. As we stood there staring at the food and the bar and tried to live vicariously through the folks helping themselves, one of the older Indian men came over and told us to make ourselves at home…we were so excited! Three hours later, after many drinks and many more plates of Indian food and BBQ pork ribs (YUM!!!) the party was winding up and I decided to ask the “band” if they knew Time After Time. To my surprise they handed me a microphone and told me to just start singing and they would figure it out. I was so excited…I love that song and I love singing!!! And they actually told me thank you afterwards…man I love karaoke or any form of it J.

Monday was Charlie’s birthday and there was no way I was going to let him get away with celebrating it Ugandan style (which means not really at all). We started the party early at the campsite…probably around 4 pm, he was passing drinks around to all of his friends. Then we went to town and continued the same party until we ended up at my place with a bag full of pork (6 kilograms), a bottle of vodka and a very special birthday cake! There ended up being about 10 people hanging out that night with music on the roof and Charlie said that it was truly a great birthday…different from the others and just really nice. I was just so happy that I was here to be a part of the celebration!

As the year comes to an end, I become a bit more pensive about how it has been and curious about how the next one will be. There are so many things that I am grateful for and many reasons to celebrate and be happy. I remember last year as I rang in the New Year at an 80’s cover band concert completely sober (I was in the middle of a 3 month no drinking thing), I said to myself, “2008 is going to be MY year; Marci’s year.” And although at the time, I wasn’t sure what that would mean, I look back on the year now and I realize that it truly was my year for me. Quitting my job and leaving DC and all that I know to come to Uganda was a bit crazy/drastic, but it was a step of self discovery and exploration. The year has had its ups and downs, but in the end all of it has made me stronger, a bit more self aware and very appreciative of all that I DO have in this life. Maybe 2009 can be the year that I really find my place in this world, where I can make a home, what I can do and find someone with whom to share it all…

…here’s hoping that your holiday season is full of love, laughter and peace and that you are surrounded by many people that love you! Happy Holidays!!!

Emotional highs and lows and a jigger...

Gosh, I have had an emotional few weeks here and have finally come out the other side. When I went home in June it took me two full months to readjust to life in the states…so I do realize that I need to give myself enough time in all my transitions (which usually means giving myself much more time than I think I need). Ugandan culture is very different from American culture and some things are just really difficult to get used to. And even living in Jinja compared to Lyantonde, because there is much more to do here socially, there are also more issues socially. In Lyantonde I might have spent most of my time alone, but at least I didn’t have to deal with high stress levels. On November 23rd I lost one of my best friends and didn’t get him back until December 5. It was a long two weeks in which I was lost and confused and sad and just not at all understanding what had happened. He was clearly upset with me, but wouldn’t even sit down to talk to me about it…he just stopped talking to me; stopped looking at me. Many people here in Uganda don’t open up and talk about problems they are facing or issues that have upset them. Instead, they just shut you out and close up. It’s very difficult for me as I am so different and do not handle life that way. I just feel like you should at least have a discussion about what happened and why things have changed…you shouldn’t just shut down. You all should have seen the faces on all the village folks on Friday when I was very emotionally crying (I was just exhausted by 2 weeks of dealing with this issue and trying to get my friend back)…it was quite the spectacle. People don’t cry here, they don’t show emotion. So when I get upset, I am told by my friends to not cry. “Please don’t cry Marci.” But not in the, “oh that’s sad” kind of way. No. They are saying it like…”don’t cry, you shouldn’t cry.” But I am very comfortable with the fact that I am emotional and that I have feelings and I am not at all ashamed to show them. So, in the end, we talked it out (well, I still did most of the talking) and my friend and I are back to normal and have moved forward. (And I asked him and told him to never do that again.) We are friends, we must learn together and help each other grow…if I do something to upset you, just TELL ME. We can work on it and try to make it better together…but we should never give up on each other.

So during all of that I was spending time with other friends and trying my best to keep my mind on other things. Jami and I had a funny matatu ride back to Jinja last weekend. We got a few marriage proposals, I explained we already have Ugandan husbands (a little white lie is necessary in these situations) but they were still hopeful. Then as we crossed the Nile, I announced to everyone that “this is the Nile River!” and then started singing one of my favorite African club songs. I think they were sad to see us get out a few minutes later…they were enjoying the muzungu entertainment :) . I also had a few Americans visit last weekend. I had run into Lauren at the checkout counter at the co-op in Vermont this summer and found out she was going to be in Rwanda. So we exchanged emails and 2 months later she came from Rwanda and her friend came from Tanzania and they went rafting on the Mighty White Nile. They stayed for a few days in which we slept on the roof and stayed up late; went to the disco at 1:30 in the morning and swam in the river. They were great and I was glad it worked out…it was nice to have some people to laugh with.

I also had my first Jigger! I thought I just had dirt under my toe, but I couldn’t get it out all week and it was hurting and there appeared to be a bit of a blister. So when I saw Jami, I showed her and she immediately said, “I think that’s a jigger.” I didn’t even know what a damn jigger is at that point. But when I showed some of my Ugandan friends they just laughed…so I went to the “local expert”, Betty, and she confirmed the news. I had a village worm living under my toenail and it had probably laid some eggs since it had been there a whole week. She got to work with the safety pin and quite painlessly removed the black worm and then poured some alcohol in the wound to kill the babies/eggs. Fun times :) !

Let’s see, what else…I finally had my second kayaking/rolling lesson this past Friday and was so excited to roll the boat! I couldn’t believe it. So Saturday, I kayaked the first 3 kilometers of the rafting trip with 2 friends. There are just 3 small rapids in that section, Grade 1 and Grade 2. It was really fun going through the waves and so exciting to get through them without flipping over…but then I’d hit a whirlpool or eddy and lose my balance and go under. And since I was in a bigger boat that what I’d learned in the day before and I was in moving water…there was no chance for me to roll. So I swam a few times. But as all the kayakers I meet have said, everyone swims. I wish I could’ve done better, but it was just my first day paddling alone on the water and in the end, I think I did okay. Sunday Charlie came out with me to work on the roll in my boat, the bigger Fluid (I bought a kayak and gear from a friend so that I don’t have to always be borrowing). I wasn’t feeling TOO confident, but after 3 attempts, I actually got it! I was soooo excited. We spent an hour or so down on the water in which I just kept practicing my rolls, half and full, and only swam twice when I was attempting to roll in moving water. There are definitely stepping stones when learning something new. I have the roll in the flat water down and now I just have to get out and paddle and learn how to read the water, balance in the whirl pools and roll in the moving water. I just have to keep getting out on the water and practicing. I can’t wait to be able to go down some Grade 3s!!! Yay!

Monday night, an old high school friend, Ms. Ellen Carey, came into town for the rafting yesterday. It was so nice to see a friendly face and I really do love showing people Bujagali and the river and just how gorgeous this location is. We enjoyed a nice swim in the river and then hung out a bit at the campsite. I was so glad yesterday that I was able to get on the rafting trip with her so that we could spend some more time together before she left later that day. And, yes, it was my 9th trip down the Nile, but I think Charlie really out did himself this time. I’m not sure if he will ever be able to give me a better day than that. We had the most amazing rides on all the rapids. We fell out or flipped on every single rapid (including the waterfall) except two: Retrospect which he had us close our eyes until he yelled “OPEN” and we just saw this huge wave coming over us; and The Bad Place, the last rapid of the day, in which we had the most amazing surf ever! I have always wanted to get a good surf, but have never had more than 5 seconds or so. Yesterday, with the boat a bit soft and only 3 of us in the raft (the others decided to watch from shore), we hit the hole perfectly and stayed in for 35 seconds surfing, going around and around in circles, in and out of the hole, back and forth, bouncing all over the boat. It was insane and soooo much fun! We weren’t sure we were ever going to get spit out…but held on for the ride until we did and then celebrated. It was brilliant and the longest surf I've ever seen!!! And yes, I did say we fell out at the waterfall. We actually got stuck at the top for a bit and when we went over the falls, 5 of the 7 people in the raft fell out. All I could think was…”not again!” When I came up, I was under the waterfall again, but this time the boat was still there and I grabbed on for dear life. Charlie was there yelling “HOLD ONTO THE ROPE” to which I shouted back, “I AM HOLDING ONNNNN!!!” I was NOT going to let go no matter what. So we all got back in the boat and had a good laugh. I could go on and on as many of you know…I just love that river and I love the adventure of the rafting and how it’s always different and exciting. I will never stop enjoying and loving the Nile…and now I can start the adventure of learning to kayak the Nile.

Oh...and when we got back to the trucks to head to the campsite, we found a cow giving birth. It was quite amazing and something I've never seen before. So, all in all, it was just a great day to be alive (or born!) :)...

So, after some emotional weeks, I am feeling much more balanced and continue to feel so grateful for the loved ones I do have in my life; all the people who will never leave me; all the people who will always be there for me. It’s hard to believe that Christmas is right around the corner. It’s just been so hot and dry here (we got out first rain in almost 4 weeks yesterday and today) and I’m so far away from all the people I would normally be with. But I am thinking of you, I am sending my love and I am constantly thankful that, although you may be far, I know you are always with me.

A very thankful Thanksgiving...

Let’s see, where to begin…HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone at home! I have so much to be thankful for this year: all of the love and support from my family and friends…the value of that is immeasurable and very much appreciated. There are so many people in different parts of the world that are constantly with me and without all of them, I wouldn’t be able to continue this crazy journey that I am on. So to all of you out there that love me unconditionally, in my best and my worst moments, when I am laughing and when I am crying, when I am triumphing and when I am struggling…to all of you, I thank you always from the bottom of my heart and please never forget that.

And now for an update on life back in Uganda…we have extended our stay in the current rooms until the end of the year to give us some more time to find something better. And to be honest, we won’t be that upset if we end up just staying there long term. But we know we can get a house or self contained flat for less money, so that is why we will continue the search in December. However, the escari (security guard) is wonderful, which is always nice and the other folks in the complex are nice as well. I did forget to mention that on top of the flying grasshoppers (it’s the season for them so everyone is frying them up if they don’t die in our rooms first!), the cockroach and mouse…we also had a bat in our bathroom one morning! I think Jami accidentally slammed the door on its wing, or maybe it was already injured, but either way the poor thing couldn’t fly but still freaked us out. And I really had to pee! So, we got Alama, our downstairs neighbor and new friend from the rafting company to get it out for us. When he threw it over the fence, it couldn’t even fly away…it just dropped to the ground. :(

I also keep forgetting to mention that we are located directly across the street from the main club in town. It’s kind of funny because we literally have a one minute walk home at the end of the night…and also funny because if we want we can just go up onto our roof terrace (yep, forgot to mention that too!) and dance to the music up there for free. But of course you don’t get the club atmosphere…although it’s much cooler with the breeze. We also have a lake view which is gorgeous even though we have to look over some slum areas before our eyes go up to the lake. So, all in all, life in Jinja is good.

The school festival was a success in my book. We started only 15 minutes late and ended 15 minutes early. I was shocked! I spent the day running around like a crazy woman trying to keep everything going and make sure that lunch would be on time and quizzes were running according to schedule and taking schools off the football field if they were running late, etc. It was exhausting for sure…but I think the children enjoyed the day and I know the winning school was very excited about the ATV rides they won!

It hasn’t rained in almost two weeks now, which is fine with me, but I know the farmers need the rain. No rain equals LOTS of dust so it’s impossible to go from town to the village and back without being caked in dust. At the end of the day you think you’ve gotten some color on your skin until you shower and it all washes away! I definitely do have a good base tan now…but the other day I took a nice long, warm shower at my friend’s house in Kampala and as I washed my hair the soap and water all turned brown. I just laughed to myself. With brown hair and tan skin, it’s hard to know how dusty you are until you shower and it all comes off! Sometimes I just have to sleep with some socks on because my feet are so dirty from the day and I don’t want to get the bed too dirty. I still take most of my baths in the river and shave my legs there as well. It’s just nice and raw and natural and different. And since my shower only has cold water, why not kill two birds with one stone and get a swim in the river and a bath all at the same time?!?!

I finally got my first kayaking lesson from Koa last Sunday. We spent 2 hours on the water with Jami…she had never even been in a kayak and picked up the rolling technique much faster than I did which made me even more frustrated that I couldn’t seem to get the hip flick. Koa just kept yelling, “Marci…the HIPS, the HIIIPPPSSS!” How is a girl supposed to flick herself back up from under the water when she sees this gentle, normally smiley young man yelling “H-I-P-S” at her?!?!? He didn’t think I was taking it seriously, but I was and I am and I am really determined to learn how to roll before the end of the year. And now what you’ve all been waiting for…I did it. I finally went rafting this past Saturday and had a really nice day! The weather has been gorgeous so it was a perfect day to be on the water. The rapids were just as fantastic as I remember and this time…I did NOT fall out of the boat at the waterfall, although I did have a front row seat as we went over the falls. Half of us fell out on three rapids and we completely flipped on another two…so I did a lot of swimming! And the funny thing is that none of my friends came to my rescue this time. I guess since it was my 8th trip, they figure they should go for the first timers who might be a bit more anxious than me.

After the BBQ and a bit of partying at the campsite, a bunch of us ended up heading to town to go to the Reggae Concert. We ended up dancing beside the stage for a few hours and in the middle of it all, one of the performers looked at me and my Canadian friend and asked us to come on stage. Since Tamara was there with her boyfriend, I ended up agreeing to go up alone. As I climbed the steep stairs to the stage all I could think was “do NOT trip up these stairs!” When I approached the singer he asked where I am from and I said, a bit shyly, “America.” But then, I pulled the microphone back over and said, almost like a robot, “O-BA-MA” and the crowd cheered. And as many of you know, once I’m up there I love being on stage, so I decided to do a little hip flick dance (I knew I could flick them!) on stage in a circle to which the crowd cheered again; and then finally, I danced with the performer and we went as low as we could go…and again the crowd cheered. So all in all, it was a fun moment and I managed not to trip or embarrass myself!

As I finish writing this entry, I am back in my original Ugandan hometown of Lyantonde…and of course it was another adventure trying to get here yesterday. My bus got pulled over 3 times and the third time was the same group of traffic cops who apparently had told the driver at the last stop that he would have to go to court in the next town. So they literally took him away in their traffic cop car and left us (a full bus) sitting on the side of the road with the engine running for an hour! Once he finally got back to the bus we were off again only to blow a tire 20 minutes from my stop. I couldn’t believe it, I was not going to wait another hour. Finally after being bothered by numerous motorcycle taxis asking for way too much money, I ended up on another bus that had 20 people too many on board so I just stood squished in the aisle until I could get out in Lyantonde. It wasn’t the entrance I had hoped for…but as I approached the vocational school where I taught English in the spring, I heard my students practicing their songs about HIV/AIDS and I swear it’s one of the most beautiful sounds you’d ever hear. When I walked up to them they all stopped singing and started to cheer…and immediately my spirits were lifted. I love being back in Lyantonde. It will always feel like home. But the river is constantly calling me back…

An update from the last week...

Nothing too exciting to report yet...

If you haven't noticed, I don’t get to the internet very often and when I do, the connection is mediocre. But today I am attempting to upload two blogs and will try better to get one up once a week from now on. I had to leave the first internet spot because the fact that the damn space bar didn't work was driving me INSANE!

Things are going well. Preparations for the school festival are in full swing and since it’s the Friday after Thanksgiving, I’ll spend my Thursday night getting everything ready and all day Friday running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to ensure all goes according to our plans as much as possible! I have thought about making some stuffing and mashed potatoes and just buying some of that delicious pork I mentioned in my first entry and having a few friends get together…I’m just not sure when. Maybe Sunday the 23rd. Not exactly a Thanksgiving Dinner…but as much as I’m trying to attempt considering I don’t have a real stove and no oven at all. I haven’t actually cooked at all yet…but I do have a bit better of a stove this time around: two real burners, we just need to fill up the gas can.

As for the rest of our living situation…it’s still alright. The rooms are quite large and comfortable and we love the adjoining factor. It just seems like we’re back in school or something. The only downfalls are: the first week we were here we were chasing flying grasshoppers out of our rooms and this last week we saw had to get one big cockroach out and do our best to keep the mouse that keeps coming in out. Hmmm. And the last downfall is that we were supposed to have the toilet and shower just for ourselves, although they are outside on the balcony and unlocked. We realized this week that other people are using our shower items and toilet paper…and since we thought we were paying to have those things to ourselves, it’s a bit frustrating. Oh, and when it rains really really hard (although after last night's 12 hours of rain, this didn't happen), the ceiling in my room leaks and i get a 3 foot wide puddle in my room.

Finally, it took 2 weeks and lots of threats, but we FINALLY got our money back from the awful guesthouse from my first night. The man just kept laughing at us and telling us that Ugandans are poor and once you give them money, you won’t get it back. He didn’t seem to understand that that isn’t how you run a business…and he kept referring to himself as a businessman and would then speak to the other Ugandans in the room in Lusoga talking about Muzungus this and that. They all agreed with us and told him in English that he wasn't treating us properly and he just laughed. And I very sternly said that this has nothing to do with black and white...this is people to people and you are NOT treating us correctly. This is NOT how you run a business. Ridiculous. He also kept telling me to relax and sit down and said I am a stubborn muzungu (white person). I said that if me being frustrated because you’re treating us unfairly and essentially stealing our money is stubborn…then yes, I’m stubborn! It was extremely frustrating and annoying…but we don’t have to deal with him anymore because he FINALLY paid (although he does owe us 8.000 Ush so we are going to stop over for 4 beers later this week i think). We also have to constantly fight for fair prices on the motor bike taxis and the restaurants in the village. Because they don't post any menus/prices when they see muzungus they charge double what they charge Ugandans. It's very frustrating as we are not tourists, we are living here and volunteering and it's exhausting trying to explain to people that we know the real cost and you are cheating us. But we do not put up with it and we pay what we know our Ugandan friends pay and we leave them standing their with their mouths open and hands out for more money. No...no more money for you, you've already overcharged us the first 2 weeks so technically YOU owe US money! Ugh.

And that’s all I have for now. Despite the possible tone about, things have been going well and I am happy. I STILL haven’t gone rafting or kayaking…but again, I think tomorrow might be my lucky day for one of the above. Let’s cross our fingers that Koa doesn’t have to work so that he can spend an hour or so teaching me how to keep my balance and roll in the kayak. I can’t even believe that it’s November because I’m living in a semi-tropical climate (although it does rain a couple times a week)…and slowly and surely I’m getting some color again. I can't believe it's Thanksgiving week and Christmas is next month...so hard to absorb when it's hot and humid and I'm so far away from all the people I'd love to be with at this time of year.

Don't bother asking me what I am doing with my life...because I have yet to figure it out. I constantly question myself and hope that I am making the right decisions...but find comfort in the fact that nothing is ever forever unless you want it to be. And even then, it doesn't always last. I also find comfort in knowing I have so many people at home who love me no matter what and accept me for who I am and who I am trying to be. Without all of those people...I would be lost. Believe me, I miss you and the comforts of home so much more than you could ever know...

I miss all my friends and family dearly and am definitely craving little Miss Maeve and Sir Luke soooo much!!!

My number: 011 256 779 471 278

My address: Marci Varley, C/O Soft Power Education, P.O. Box 1493, Jinja, Uganda

The first week or so back...

Wow, I can’t believe I’m writing a blog from Uganda again. It always amazes me how life just takes you on different journeys and you really are just along for the ride. Sure it takes effort and patience and the interest to follow some of the paths in front of us, but in the end…we really are just on a roller coaster ride in life. And one that we never want the train to pull up to the end stop because we never really do want the ride to be over, do we?

So…I had the most ridiculously crazy, hectic, frustrating, annoying, confusing, crazy (have I said that yet?) first week ever. Sure, I visited Jinja on a handful of occassions during my last trip…I think I came to town 5 times so I could go down the river 7 times. And no, I haven’t rafted yet…but I’ve thought about it loads and it won’t be long! (But I digress.) This town is soooo much different from Lyantonde, where I lived this past spring. There is so much more going on here, a lot more life to the city and more options of what to do in my free time and with whom. It is just an entirely new experience because it is nothing like my life here before. And although it has taken a week to get to the point where I can say this, it is true…things are great!

After 8 hours traveling to London, 10 hours sitting in Heathrow airport (dinner with Chris and Jake was awesome, I was soooo glad to see them again this year even if we were stuck at the airport! Unfortunately when I went through security they unpacked my entire big backpack…stuffed with so much random stuff…just because they wanted to get my toy handcuffs out. I couldn’t believe it! I explained to the girl who couldn’t have been older than 24 and was definitely laughing inside about the whole thing, that she was ruining my halloween costume…couldn’t she see the police shirt right there and what good would that be without the hand cuffs??? And they’re a toy…you can release out of them without a key. Ugh. But I had no time to really fuss because my gate was closing and I had to run to catch the plane. Whatever.) ANYWAYS…then another 8 hour flight to Entebbe, followed by a 2 hour taxi ride to Jinja and the next thing I knew I was having the most amazing pork lunch with a handful of my friends.

Jami, the English girl I met in the spring who I am living with, had already been here for 5 weeks looking for a place for us. Upon my arrival, we moved into a guesthouse that seemed okay enough…something temporary until we find our own place…but it didn’t turn out to be so great. Only one of the two rooms we had paid for was prepared for us, so Jami stayed somewhere else that first night. At 4:30 in the morning I was woken up by someone pounding on my door telling me to “please come.” Clearly, I did not. There was no way I was leaving my room at that hour to whatever might be outside. Apparently several of the guests were travelling together and leaving early in the morning and for whatever reason thought I was part of their group maybe? Who knows…but that just really irked me. Then when Jami arrived in the morning to change for work she found that her room (that had all of her stuff in it when she left) had been slept in by someone else and her things had been moved. So, at 8 in the morning my very first day back and still jet lagged I found some clothes to put on and we stumbled out of that place with all of our stuff not sure where we would go to sleep that night…just knowing that we would NOT be staying at that guesthouse again. We are still trying to get our money back. Hopefully, tomorrow is the day.

The next four nights were spent moving from place to place, staying with different friends. Jami and I were grumpy and frustrated and exhausted. The process of finding a place here is just ridiculous. Basically, we have talked with all of our local friends, who then all “have a guy” or know “the man” and then we spend hours waiting or driving around trying to get into places to check them out. My first two days were spent on the back of a boda with my friend Charlie for hours at a time just trying to find a place. We went to 7 places one day and only actually got to see three. Oh…and everyone wants to be paid for having found a place for you to look at. Even if they show you something that isn’t even close to what you are looking for. I finally told Charlie to tell all these different men that if they show us something that doesn’t have what we’ve asked for, then we will not pay. We did find an amazing house that would have been great, but after waiting an entire day for the “key man” to let us in, we tried for three days to meet with “the man” (the owner) to finalize a deal and a week later still haven’t met him.

Fortunately, we did find a place that is working really well right now: 2 big bedrooms combined by an adjoining door and then a kitchen, toilet and shower all on the balcony outside for us to use. Not exactly a flat…but we got to unpack last Monday and buy some house items and actually settle for a moment. And our moods/attitudes have greatly improved since moving in…it’s amazing how not having somewhere to call your own can be so unsettling! We have had good days for almost a whole week now and spend our days laughing at things that would have really pissed us off before. It’s all good…hakuna matata!

As for everything else: I am now in charge of a big school festival at the center which is on November 21st. My job is to make sure that everything gets done and prepared before that day and that on the day, everything runs smoothly. But with 230 students and 45 teachers moving through the day in 15 minute intervals…it’s a logistical nightmare! I’ve also started running again, trying to at least, with the help of my friend Greece who comes with me and keeps me going when I get tired 15 minutes into my 20 minute jog (I’m so out of shape!). Then we go down to the river to cool off with a quick swim and I take a bath/wash my hair and head to work. We all celebrated Halloween at the campsite my first Friday here and had too much fun and this past Friday Jami and I had a housewarming party at our place. There were about 15 people dancing and drinking the night away…it was fun!

So…all is well. I am supposed to get a kayaking lesson today or tomorrow from a friend who works with the rafting company. I can’t believe I’ve been here 10 days and haven’t gone rafting yet…it’s a record! And it doesn’t feel like 10 days at all…it feels like 2 months. Anyways…I hope you are all well! I miss you…

FUNDRAISING for RACOBAO and Soft Power

I can still remember the thoughts running through my head during my second day out in the field with RACOBAO in March of the fundraiser I would have in DC when I got back. On August 21, 2008 we raised $1300 at a happy hour event with raffles (Ugandan handicrafts) and silent auction items (generously donated by area businesses). And I've raised another couple hundred dollars on my online fundraising page: www.justgiving.com/marcivarley. With an ultimate goal of $4000 (to be split evenly between RACOBAO and Soft Power), we are off to a good start, but have a ways to go!

On October 18, 2008 I am hosting a fundraising event in Pittsburgh, PA at Camp Deer Creek from 3-7 pm. It is a family oriented picnic with more raffles and silent auction items and lots of hopes for a great turn out and generous donations!

The work that these two organizations do truly changes lives but cannot be done without our donations. $20 buys a school uniform and allows a child to go to school for an entire year! Think about what that means. We all know that education = power. Please help me to empower the children and their families!

If you have any questions about the fundraising events, the online donating page or the volunteering...please don't hesitate to ask!

Heading back to Uganda!

So, in my last post, I was getting ready to spend my last few days in Uganda by the Mighty White Nile River...probably my favorite place in the country. I had a fantastic couple of days that started with a day rafting the rapids with the NRE crew I had become friends with and ended with one of my favorite Ugandan meals...pork and cabbage at a typical Uganda pork joint. In between, I ended up going on the river one last time as I really just couldn't help myself. It was a gorgeous day, perfect for rafting, and most of my friends were going to be working on the river that day. I didn't want to spend my last full day in Jinja by myself...so I signed up for my 7th trip! It was a great day and one that I'll never forget because I actually fell out of the raft at the waterfall (Overtime) and got stuck underneath for what seemed like forever. In the video you can see my struggling to get up, but the water is pushing me down and pushing the safety/rescue kayakers away. I know in those moments I was thinking I might be in a bit of trouble and a few of the guys told me afterwards that they were pretty scared as well! But the Mighty Nile let me go that day to tell the story and I have shown the video on more than one occassion. It's pretty crazy and intense!

The return home was difficult. It is not an easy transition to go from rural Africa to urban America and I was really caught off guard...I just didn't expect to have such a hard time adapting back into American life. It didn't take me long to realize that I wanted to get back to Uganda...I just had to figure out when. And after 3 months of floating around the east coast visiting family, organizing fundraisers and working on projects for RACOBAO...I finally bought my ticket! I will be heading back to Uganda on October 27, 2008 and returning April 22, 2009. Six months this time. Because of my love for the Jinja/Bujagali area around the Nile, I am going to be living there and volunteering with Soft Power Education (www.softpowereducation.com) most of the time; although I will also make trips to Lyantonde to do projects with RACOBAO (www.racobao.org) as well. I am so excited that I am able to go back and work with 2 amazing organizations as well as immerse myself in the culture again and enjoy the simplicity of life there. I can't wait to see what is in store for me!

Be sure to stay tuned as I will be updating this as often as I can while I am away.

Saying goodbye...

A beautiful quote that was sent to me during my time here:

"You are that mystery which you are seeking to know. You are the love you first sought, whether conscious of it or not. Your personal journey, either in this lifetime or another in the future, will bring you to this center within yourself. Traveling alone upon a solo-quest is the perfect catalyst for this grand voyage given to the human being as a birthright. So go find yourself in solitude where the inner landscapes of personality become most audible within a world of possibility.”

Well folks, this is it…I’ve slept my last night in Lyantonde and I’m saying my goodbyes today before heading to Jinja and the Nile River for my last 3 ½ days in Uganda. One colleague says it seems as though I’ve been here just a week or two because time has gone so fast and another says how long it seems since I arrived. The way I feel…right in the middle. I feel as though I have been here for a year, not just 14 weeks; but I also feel that it’s gone too fast and I cannot believe it is time for me to leave! What a journey this has been. From those first lonely and long weeks of adjustment to all my adventures on the Nile River (one more to go this Saturday!) to the amazing moments in the field and the self discovery along the way…it has been eye opening and life changing. I have learned so much about the world through meeting the people you see in my pictures and I have learned so much about myself. And although I have NO IDEA what I will be doing in the next chapter of my life or where that chapter will take me physically and spiritually…I know that I will carry this experience with me always. The faces, the empty eyes, the smiles, the loss…the HOPE! And the happiness, peace and calm that I have found in my soul is something that I will concentrate on keeping there, no matter what comes into my path. I know that it will be hard sometimes; I know sometimes I may stray from that path and get lost for a moment…but I will fight my way back. I won’t let myself get soooo lost ever again! I won’t let myself allow outside influences to dimmer the light in my heart again, at least not so much. I will remember Uganda and its people and this time…and I will remember my new life motto, “no one can get in the way of what I’m feeling!”

We really are the masters of our soul and the captains of our own destiny…it’s up to us.


A few of my last photos from the field…

Norah Catherine...I really love this woman, so sweet and spunky and caring for 3 young children!





Joseph and Clement, 12 and 13 years old, living on their own for 3 years now and the sweet couple who check in on them.


Sunset from my favorite spot in Lyantonde.

Just a few things...

(Lyantonde Town early morning)

First thing…if you’ve been reading this blog, you know how much I truly love this country. The land is gorgeously untouched, natural beauty; the people are very welcoming and happy. But there is one thing that I haven’t mentioned that has just started to bother me in the last week or two…something I have been very patient with but finally, this weekend, I could no longer smile about it because I’m tired of it. I am tired of being discriminated against because of the color of my skin; I am tired of the racism. I am tired of having to bargain and sometimes argue my way to the fair price; the real price. I’m tired of people assuming that because I am white, I am rich. I want to be treated as a human being; as a fellow person on this great big planet. I have never been racist; I have always hated racism and discrimination against any minority. And really, I have always been attracted to people of different backgrounds, nationalities, ethnicities and colors because to me, the differences we have are what make the world interesting and exciting. I like the differences because I know immediately that we will be able to learn and grow and become better people because of them. So, after 3 months of dealing with being the extreme minority and always getting “Muzungu” prices…I lost it on Sunday.
I was trying to travel from Kampala to Lyantonde and was just really frustrated after the boda boda (motor bike taxi) driver and bus folks did exactly what I knew they would do: overprice me. I always have to explain that I know how much it costs, I do this all the time; I’m not a tourist just passing through. I am living here. Working here. Volunteering here to help other Ugandans and it would be really nice if I could be treated fairly. The boda driver laughed when he realized I know what I’m doing and said it seems like I’ve been here for a few years, not a few months and agreed to let me pay the fair price. The bus folks, on the other hand, were really rude. I refused to pay what they were asking and put up a fight…I really wasn’t in the mood! After 2 busses stuck to their “Muzungu” price of 15,000 Ush, I was on my way out of the bus park when a woman stopped me and asked if she could help. I explained that I travel this route every week…I know how much it costs; I’m tired of hearing “the petrol prices went up” as an excuse. I will pay 12,000 Ush and no more…and should really just have been paying 10,000 Ush. She was very nice and took me to her bus, told me to remember that Gateway treated her fairly and allowed me to pay the 12,000 Ush. It’s just exhausting.

Another thing (and a much lighter topic!)…when I lived in Germany, I remember asparagus season as quite the phenomenon. I had never seen such a specific food celebrated so widely and passionately…everywhere you look during that season, there is asparagus! They really love their asparagus. Well, last week I realized that it is grasshopper season. For 3 months the strangest thing I’d seen people eating were the cow intestines that are part of the traditional Ugandan breakfast. But now, there are grasshoppers around every corner! People are selling them on the sides of roads already fried in their own oil and in a baggie, coming onto the bus to sell them; my colleagues are eating them at their desk for breakfast and the guy on the boda next to mine is carrying a big bag of them too. They are everywhere! And if you don’t see them dead in a bag waiting to become someone’s snack, you see them hopping around still alive trying to escape an inevitable death...or in the hands of children playing (above with one of my favorite girls in town). Grasshoppers are a delicacy here and now that the “rainy” season is over (it didn’t rain so much), you can’t get down the block without seeing them. It’s crazy!

And the final thing today…I just love the smiles and innocence of children! Yesterday after getting a chapatti making lesson from the cooks at one of the restaurants I frequent, I ended up playing games with a group of about 15 children (some pictured to the left). They always get excited and gather when they see me…always say, “BYE MUZUNGU!” in their little, sweet voices (and I always wonder, why say goodbye before we’ve said hello?). Anyways, yesterday I decided to teach them “duck, duck, goose”. Although, since I don’t know those words in Luganda, I made it “chicken, chicken, goat” or “nkoko, nkoko, mbuzi”. And they loved it! I don’t know when or who decided that I would always be the goat, but they wore me out. It was a really great hour and then I was off to take some pictures of Lyantonde. A very relaxing day. Three and half days left in this town that’s become home before I head to Jinja and the Nile for my last four days in Uganda…will be hard to leave, but will be so easy to hug all my loved ones once I get home!

Some pictures

Delivering clothes to children in the field...

Below, some pictures from Lyantonde Monday morning after "Chicken, Chicken, Goat"...

Two weeks to go and the roller coaster begins...

(My Favorite Tree)

Just two weeks left here in Uganda and I feel like I just got into the front seat of a roller coaster of emotions: sad to leave Uganda, so excited to see my family and friends back home, and anxious/nervous about what is going to come next because I have no idea! I think that most, if not all, of the people reading this know me well enough to know that I wear my heart of my sleeve. You know how deeply I plunge into life’s experiences and how much I genuinely value the different moments that trickle onto my path. This time in Uganda has been so incredibly wonderful and life changing…and it came at such a crucial moment in my life. At a time when I was feeling completely lost and as though I was no longer living my life, but that it was living me. So I decided to drop everything…quit my job, sell lots of my things, leave my beloved rented house in DC (yard and all!); say goodbye to my family and friends and take an adventure into the unknown. And believe me, as lost and unhappy as I was in my life…making the decision to leave it all behind for this unknown was still really scary. Three months later, I still understand that presence of fear, but am so grateful that I had the courage to face it because as one of my favorite poems says, “I took the [road] less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

I have no idea where I’d be if I had not stopped in my tracks and come to Uganda…but thankfully, that is something I don’t have to wonder about. I am here and I am a better and stronger person because of it. I have taken the opportunity to look inward and grow as an individual. I have weathered hard weeks of adjustment to get to a place emotionally and mentally where I could fully appreciate this experience. I have met beautiful, amazing, strong willed people who I know will never stop fighting for themselves and the people around them. I have read a lot of books; written a lot of words; taken a lot of photographs; practiced a lot of capoeira; gone on many quiet jogs; and just spent a lot of time with myself finding a beautiful peace and calm in my soul. I have been more adventurous and independent than I can ever remember being…being addicted to the Nile River is one of the only addictions I’ll ever try to hold onto…
…I just spent yet another weekend on the shores of the mighty Nile. I am sure by now it sounds like a broken record…but I just couldn’t help myself! It’s so hard for me to put into words the way I feel when I’m floating down that river or tackling its Grade 3-5 rapids. There are moments of peace and calm and moments of pure adrenaline, adventure and excitement; and all the while, you feel lucky to be surrounded by such natural, untouched beauty. It’s hard to be anything but sincerely happy! And this was the only time that I got to go with a few friends. Usually I just make friends with the people on my raft, but some of the girls I met last time I was in town were going one last time before heading home this week…so it was a great excuse for me to go back to see them and enjoy the river together (Team Zappa photo above at end of day). Because Jaime always rafts with Charlie, otherwise known as Prince of the Nile (pictured to the right), we got to raft with him on Saturday and it could not have been a better, more perfect run (definitely a tie with the first time for my favorite trip down the river)! Charlie was awesome! He was more than happy to take us down the hardest lines and we even did one rapid that none of the other boats did which ended up being one of the best of the day…Chop Suey. We had great runs on all of my favorite rapids…no falling out too early, no not flipping when we wanted to flip, not one disappointment…it really was just a perfectly awesome and fun day!

That night we celebrated and partied hard. It was a really fun night and I even ended up at the club at the end of the night dancing up a storm. Sunday I was feeling a bit rough, but ended up spending the day with a few friends lying on the rocks of the river next to one of the rapids…50/50. We swam, climbed a big tree and jumped into the river a few times (something I was really proud of because I was never a good tree climber and it was a pretty high jump…maybe 30 feet), drank some beers, sang some songs, just relaxed. It was such a great afternoon because it was so unexpected and unplanned…it just kind of happened. I also met the cutest little boy when I was getting my chapati omelette (MMMM!), Ibra, who became my buddy. Love him!

I had to say goodbye to the girls on Monday morning. I’m definitely bummed they won’t be there when I go back for my last two days in Uganda; but am just glad we got to spend some time together. It was nice to have some girlfriends again! My trip back to Lyantonde was quite long and a bit frustrating at times, but I made it! I wanted to pick up a bale of clothes in Kampala to bring back with me to deliver to some families in the field but had to go to SIX banks before I found a machine that was both working AND had money in it! UGH. And it was a rainy day, so the dirt streets were just a muddy mess…but I’ve gotten over worrying about having clean feet in this country. I just roll my pants up and do my best to stay balanced; I’m still convinced I’m going to fall on my ass one of these days! Anyways, we finally managed to get the money from the bank and get the bale of clothes to the bus (which will clothe about 100 people). Just picture me riding on the back of a motor bike with a suitcase on my lap weaving through the heaviest traffic you can imagine (African style, re: bikes, motorbikes, people, mini-bus taxis, cars, delivery trucks and more all jammed onto one narrow, crappy, full of potholes, muddy, puddle filled city road). Like I said, it was a long day!

So this week and next we will be delivering clothes and goats to several families thanks to the donations of family and friends. Mom and dad, Aunt Peggy, Uncle Bob and Aunt Donna, Beth, Petrina, Jose Raphael, Frank, Mrs. Cantlin, Jill and Dave…THANK YOU. These 12 people from the states, Australia and Ecuador have contributed a total amount of $2000 US!!! Amazing. Donations from $5 US to $1000 AUS and several in between…I cannot thank you all enough for your generosity. I plan to hand deliver a lot of the clothes and goats so that I can personally meet the families, takes some photos and write their stories. That way you can all know what your donation means to the people who receive something from it. I haven’t had a chance to go into the field for over a month now, so I am really glad that I have the opportunity to see the hope and happiness in their faces again before I leave this organization. So again…thank you!