Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Emotional highs and lows and a jigger...

Gosh, I have had an emotional few weeks here and have finally come out the other side. When I went home in June it took me two full months to readjust to life in the states…so I do realize that I need to give myself enough time in all my transitions (which usually means giving myself much more time than I think I need). Ugandan culture is very different from American culture and some things are just really difficult to get used to. And even living in Jinja compared to Lyantonde, because there is much more to do here socially, there are also more issues socially. In Lyantonde I might have spent most of my time alone, but at least I didn’t have to deal with high stress levels. On November 23rd I lost one of my best friends and didn’t get him back until December 5. It was a long two weeks in which I was lost and confused and sad and just not at all understanding what had happened. He was clearly upset with me, but wouldn’t even sit down to talk to me about it…he just stopped talking to me; stopped looking at me. Many people here in Uganda don’t open up and talk about problems they are facing or issues that have upset them. Instead, they just shut you out and close up. It’s very difficult for me as I am so different and do not handle life that way. I just feel like you should at least have a discussion about what happened and why things have changed…you shouldn’t just shut down. You all should have seen the faces on all the village folks on Friday when I was very emotionally crying (I was just exhausted by 2 weeks of dealing with this issue and trying to get my friend back)…it was quite the spectacle. People don’t cry here, they don’t show emotion. So when I get upset, I am told by my friends to not cry. “Please don’t cry Marci.” But not in the, “oh that’s sad” kind of way. No. They are saying it like…”don’t cry, you shouldn’t cry.” But I am very comfortable with the fact that I am emotional and that I have feelings and I am not at all ashamed to show them. So, in the end, we talked it out (well, I still did most of the talking) and my friend and I are back to normal and have moved forward. (And I asked him and told him to never do that again.) We are friends, we must learn together and help each other grow…if I do something to upset you, just TELL ME. We can work on it and try to make it better together…but we should never give up on each other.

So during all of that I was spending time with other friends and trying my best to keep my mind on other things. Jami and I had a funny matatu ride back to Jinja last weekend. We got a few marriage proposals, I explained we already have Ugandan husbands (a little white lie is necessary in these situations) but they were still hopeful. Then as we crossed the Nile, I announced to everyone that “this is the Nile River!” and then started singing one of my favorite African club songs. I think they were sad to see us get out a few minutes later…they were enjoying the muzungu entertainment :) . I also had a few Americans visit last weekend. I had run into Lauren at the checkout counter at the co-op in Vermont this summer and found out she was going to be in Rwanda. So we exchanged emails and 2 months later she came from Rwanda and her friend came from Tanzania and they went rafting on the Mighty White Nile. They stayed for a few days in which we slept on the roof and stayed up late; went to the disco at 1:30 in the morning and swam in the river. They were great and I was glad it worked out…it was nice to have some people to laugh with.

I also had my first Jigger! I thought I just had dirt under my toe, but I couldn’t get it out all week and it was hurting and there appeared to be a bit of a blister. So when I saw Jami, I showed her and she immediately said, “I think that’s a jigger.” I didn’t even know what a damn jigger is at that point. But when I showed some of my Ugandan friends they just laughed…so I went to the “local expert”, Betty, and she confirmed the news. I had a village worm living under my toenail and it had probably laid some eggs since it had been there a whole week. She got to work with the safety pin and quite painlessly removed the black worm and then poured some alcohol in the wound to kill the babies/eggs. Fun times :) !

Let’s see, what else…I finally had my second kayaking/rolling lesson this past Friday and was so excited to roll the boat! I couldn’t believe it. So Saturday, I kayaked the first 3 kilometers of the rafting trip with 2 friends. There are just 3 small rapids in that section, Grade 1 and Grade 2. It was really fun going through the waves and so exciting to get through them without flipping over…but then I’d hit a whirlpool or eddy and lose my balance and go under. And since I was in a bigger boat that what I’d learned in the day before and I was in moving water…there was no chance for me to roll. So I swam a few times. But as all the kayakers I meet have said, everyone swims. I wish I could’ve done better, but it was just my first day paddling alone on the water and in the end, I think I did okay. Sunday Charlie came out with me to work on the roll in my boat, the bigger Fluid (I bought a kayak and gear from a friend so that I don’t have to always be borrowing). I wasn’t feeling TOO confident, but after 3 attempts, I actually got it! I was soooo excited. We spent an hour or so down on the water in which I just kept practicing my rolls, half and full, and only swam twice when I was attempting to roll in moving water. There are definitely stepping stones when learning something new. I have the roll in the flat water down and now I just have to get out and paddle and learn how to read the water, balance in the whirl pools and roll in the moving water. I just have to keep getting out on the water and practicing. I can’t wait to be able to go down some Grade 3s!!! Yay!

Monday night, an old high school friend, Ms. Ellen Carey, came into town for the rafting yesterday. It was so nice to see a friendly face and I really do love showing people Bujagali and the river and just how gorgeous this location is. We enjoyed a nice swim in the river and then hung out a bit at the campsite. I was so glad yesterday that I was able to get on the rafting trip with her so that we could spend some more time together before she left later that day. And, yes, it was my 9th trip down the Nile, but I think Charlie really out did himself this time. I’m not sure if he will ever be able to give me a better day than that. We had the most amazing rides on all the rapids. We fell out or flipped on every single rapid (including the waterfall) except two: Retrospect which he had us close our eyes until he yelled “OPEN” and we just saw this huge wave coming over us; and The Bad Place, the last rapid of the day, in which we had the most amazing surf ever! I have always wanted to get a good surf, but have never had more than 5 seconds or so. Yesterday, with the boat a bit soft and only 3 of us in the raft (the others decided to watch from shore), we hit the hole perfectly and stayed in for 35 seconds surfing, going around and around in circles, in and out of the hole, back and forth, bouncing all over the boat. It was insane and soooo much fun! We weren’t sure we were ever going to get spit out…but held on for the ride until we did and then celebrated. It was brilliant and the longest surf I've ever seen!!! And yes, I did say we fell out at the waterfall. We actually got stuck at the top for a bit and when we went over the falls, 5 of the 7 people in the raft fell out. All I could think was…”not again!” When I came up, I was under the waterfall again, but this time the boat was still there and I grabbed on for dear life. Charlie was there yelling “HOLD ONTO THE ROPE” to which I shouted back, “I AM HOLDING ONNNNN!!!” I was NOT going to let go no matter what. So we all got back in the boat and had a good laugh. I could go on and on as many of you know…I just love that river and I love the adventure of the rafting and how it’s always different and exciting. I will never stop enjoying and loving the Nile…and now I can start the adventure of learning to kayak the Nile.
Oh...and when we got back to the trucks to head to the campsite, we found a cow giving birth. It was quite amazing and something I've never seen before. So, all in all, it was just a great day to be alive (or born!) :)...

So, after some emotional weeks, I am feeling much more balanced and continue to feel so grateful for the loved ones I do have in my life; all the people who will never leave me; all the people who will always be there for me. It’s hard to believe that Christmas is right around the corner. It’s just been so hot and dry here (we got out first rain in almost 4 weeks yesterday and today) and I’m so far away from all the people I would normally be with. But I am thinking of you, I am sending my love and I am constantly thankful that, although you may be far, I know you are always with me.

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