My Life in Uganda

A visit to a Child-Headed Household

2009-03-17T05:46:00.001-07:00

Their new home compound, fuel-efficient kitchen and the pregnant goat :)

Joseph and Clementina Sekabira, just 12 and 13 years old, respectively, were orphaned four years ago when their mother died of HIV. Their father passed away in 2002 from an unidentified internal illness. The day we visited this Child-Headed Household (CHH) in June 2008, we found the two of them sitting outside cooking their lunch on a three brick fire outside the unfinished house RACOBAO was building for them. They were both full of smiles to see some RACOBAO representatives, still very grateful for the help the organization is providing them. And I’m sure the sight of a new mattress and blanket also brought some smiles to their faces. After a few minutes, several neighbors made their way over to where we were standing with the children. Two of the visitors were an older couple that check in on the young family every once and a while to ensure that they are alright. Their older sister is married and not too far away, so she and other relatives assist Joseph and Clementina with food as well as emotional support.

As sad as the reality of the situation is, the children both seem to have high spirits. Clementina explained that she is in Primary Three, which leaves four years until secondary school, and that when she grows up she would like to be a teacher. Joseph told us that if he were able to go to school, he would be in Primary Two; but, unfortunately, although primary school is free the uniforms are not and he does not have the money to buy one. He also said that he would love to be a policeman or a soldier when he gets older. I could see how much he wanted to go to school and knew the added tragedy of this boy not having that chance. Fortunately, I knew there was some money available from some recently donated funds and assured Joseph that we would get him that uniform and some books too. We would help get him into school where he belongs! Before we left that day, I asked Joseph and Clementina what their biggest dream is for their lives and Clementina answered that they would really love to have more land so that they could have a big farm. They would grow matooke (the staple banana), beans, cassava and raise chickens and goats. As agriculture is a huge part of Ugandan life, I was not too surprised by this answer. I also posed this question to the brother and sister: “during your everyday life, what is something that you think ‘if only we had this, our life could be better’?” I was expecting a more typically western answer like a ball to play with, but Clementina’s answer really hit me hard, “cups, plates, a knife, forks.”

AN UPDATE:

In early March 2009 we returned to Joseph and Clementina’s home to give them a pregnant goat (Give Me a Goat, Give Me a Chance Project) that was donated by an American couple as a Christmas gift from their daughter. The pair’s older sister and younger sister are currently staying with them for a bit of time, so it’s nice to know that they are not always staying on their own. And it was so great to see the children’s new home compound; not only was the house finished, but RACOBAO had also built a latrine, kitchen (with a fuel efficient stove) and water tank for this family and had provided them with a saucepan, a water basin, three plates and a second mattress and blanket.

Joseph and Clementina are still full of smiles and feeling happy and I know that the support they receive from RACOBAO has a lot to do with that. Now they are both in school, an improvement from the last visit, and they still dream about having a farm. I explained that this goat can be the beginning of that farm for them; it can help them make that dream come true. If they take care of the goat and her offspring, she will be happy and healthy and continue to produce for them. When they have enough goats, they can begin to sell the goats to buy the supplies and seeds they need to grow the matooke, cassava and beans they spoke about in June. They can become more self-sufficient. And most importantly, they won’t have to worry about where their food will come from each day…something that is still one of their challenges today. I was so happy to see Joseph and Clementina again and know that their life is improving. As a westerner, it’s hard to imagine that Child-Headed Households exist in our world today, but they do; and with organizations like RACOBAO supporting these households with the donations they receive from around the world, these children are not alone or forgotten, but rather given hope for a better tomorrow.

February Recap 2: A trip to Lake Bunyonyi and some work

2009-03-04T07:01:00.000-08:00

...continued from Feb Recap 1:

Because of my late return to Lyantonde and prior plans to meet a few friends for the weekend, I was only home for a day before leaving again for another weekend trip. So, the third weekend (February 20 – 23) was spent relaxing in Kabale and Lake Bunyonyi…only about 30 minutes from the Rwandan border. Kabale is a really nice town with a much cooler temperature than I am used to in Uganda. And Lake Bunyonyi definitely lived up to all I had heard…namely that it is one of the most gorgeous, if not most gorgeous, destinations in the country. I spent the weekend with 3 other Americans on a small island in the middle of the lake. We used dug-out canoes (from eucalyptus trees) to get to our “hotel”; about a 40 minute paddle of which we were meant to assist in the paddling and gladly did. My friend Kristen had booked us beds in one of the “Geo-domes” which is an open air hut on a platform overlooking the lake. So in the early mornings, as we slept under our mosquito nets, we could hear thousands of birds chirping and look out to see the hills on the other side of the lake and the world reflected on the water. It was so stunning and tranquil…such a perfect weekend getaway. And besides a quick swim in the water (much cooler than the warm Nile), we did little more than sit around chatting or reading and eating the delicious food.

And finally, to close out the month (February 27 – March 3), I returned to Kampala for a dance festival and a tutorial on website editing/design. The dance performance was really great, showcasing different types of modern dance and including a performance by four westerners and three Ugandans entitled, “Life After Obama”. Watching them dance and hearing one of them sing and then perform a few monologues was really inspiring. The way they expressed themselves and their feelings about this new chapter in American and World History was so creative…it really made me reflect, which is what art is all about. Speaking of Obama, although I was sad to miss the inauguration festivities in Washington, DC, it was really great to be a part of the world’s audience here in Uganda. I watched the Inauguration on a big screen at one of the “western” restaurants in Jinja, surrounded by Ugandans and some other westerners (although few Americans). The atmosphere was very positive; even people continents away from the states were excited and full of hope for what is to come in the future.

I mentioned a tutorial on website editing and design. So FINALLY, we are making some progress in updating the RACOBAO website. I arrived in Uganda for the first time a year ago today (March 3) with the determination to fix the organization’s website as requested…even though that meant teaching myself how to do so. However, due to a huge lack in communication from our Internet Service Provider, it took us 11 months just to get all of the information needed (just the username, password and IP address) and gain access to make any changes to the website. When we finally received the needed information last month, I tried to teach myself how to make the edits, but quickly realized it would be best to be taught by someone more versed website design and editing. Fortunately, luck stepped in and introduced me to Kristen’s brother, Ryan, while we were relaxing on that island in Lake Bunyonyi. Ryan happens to be an experienced website designer who is here in Uganda visiting his sister and hoping to volunteer some of his services. So I took it upon myself to call on those services and set up a 2 day tutorial session in Kampala. Having just returned from that session this evening, I am feeling quite hopeful and confident that the website will finally be updated! This is the perfect project for me to work on while we continue to wait for our proposal to be approved by one of our biggest donors so that we can move forward with our field projects. So, for the first time in a long time, I have some real work to keep me busy and an end goal to strive to reach before leaving next month.

February Recap 1: A Ugandan Funeral

2009-03-04T06:55:00.000-08:00

Wow…I guess I haven’t updated this for a month now. Let’s see if I can recap February for you!

After the first week back in Lyantonde, I realized that I would need to keep myself busy on the weekends so as not to feel too lonely. So for the second weekend (February 13 – 18) in February I actually returned to Jinja (as previously planned) to pick up some more of my things and visit with friends. I was hopeful that it would be a drama free return and it was. I ended up rafting for the 11th time, eating some of my favorite pork, riding around the villages on the shores of the Nile on a scooter and learning how to drive that scooter. You should have seen my face! I wish I could have seen it actually. I had such a HUGE smile and was laughing so hard from the joy of those first moments that I was crying and could barely keep my eyes open to steer. Luckily Charlie was sitting behind me and helped me steer until I could control myself a bit better! I’m sure it was quite a sight for all of the villagers we passed, seeing a Muzungu laughing her ass off as she tried to learn how to drive a scooter with a Ugandan on the back. Classic. All the time I have been here, I have never seen a Muzungu driving a Ugandan around town on a boda…it’s always the opposite. And a woman…regardless of color, I have never seen driving one!

On Monday, I was already in Kampala on my way home, but I ended up heading back to Jinja for a burial. Not only was a good friend to many of my friends killed in a car accident over the weekend; but then on Monday one of the women that worked at the campsite was killed in a terrible matatu (mini-bus taxi) accident. Mamma Tabis was a friend to all of my rafting friends and a woman I had spoken with on a few occasions so I decided to go to support everyone during that day. It was the first burial that I have ever attended in Uganda and very moving. There were at least 100 people packed into Mamma Tabis’ small yard; many people sitting amongst the trees on the outskirts, but also many people crammed into the main area where people were speaking. Of course I couldn’t understand what was being said as they spoke in their local language, but it was obvious how much this woman was loved and would be missed. There were songs and tears and also people collecting money for the family and her children and presenting those gifts. Finally, the body, which had been lying in the house for the last day to be mourned over, was brought out to be put in the grave that the friends had dug in the yard. As the people gathered around the grave site crying and saying their last goodbyes, the male friends mixed the concrete to pour over the body. It was beautiful to watch my friends (ranging in age from 20 - 35) quietly working together to mix that concrete…I could really see in their movements how much they wanted to honor Mamma Tabis. They were sweating in the African heat and dirty from the mixing and I knew their arms and backs must be tired…but they didn’t stop mixing. Death is such a strange thing here. Ugandans very rarely show emotions, so when surprised by an untimely death most of them keep their stoic fronts and respond to your condolences with “thank yous”, but also by saying, “Such is life. What are we to do?” And although few people showed their emotions in tears, I could still see the sorrow they were feeling in their faces and eyes. After the burial, many of my friends returned home to gather coats and blankets for the evening. As is tradition here, the friends and family of the deceased stay with the body until it is buried and then spend 3 more nights sleeping at the house. During those nights, the women are usually inside quietly talking and resting and the men stay outside to maintain the traditional fire, tell stories about their lost friend and share a few drinks.

To be continued...

A fresh start in Uganda

2009-02-05T22:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally made it back to Lyantonde! Leaving Jinja was a bit sad…saying goodbye to the river and a few of my friends…but I know I’ll go back for some short visits and I know that leaving is ultimately what I needed to do in order to salvage this trip/experience (and the sense of calm I feel not living there is really welcoming!). A place may be beautiful, but if it is surrounded by ugly people, that beauty can be lost.

So, I spent last weekend in Kampala and then made my way to the bus park Monday morning at 11:30. Of course, the conductor of the bus told me we’d be leaving in an hour and no other buses would leave before then. And of course, it was 2 ½ hours later (and an hour after seeing a different bus pull out) that we finally pulled out of the park. So what can take 3 hours in a private car, ended up taking 6 hours by bus. But I made it! I arrived to find my colleagues finishing up a day’s work, so I dropped my bags off in my old room and had them drop me off in town for dinner. We haven’t had power all week (Sunday thru Wednesday at 5 pm), so we’ve been depending on the generator to get us through the work days. The weather in this part of the country is much cooler and rainier than in Jinja (although today looks gorgeous!). Life is generally much quieter. And although the quiet can make you lonely…it is also quite peaceful. So, for now, I am reacquainting myself with my old hometown in Uganda and getting used to the lifestyle here again. For this is where I found myself last spring; this is where I found my happiness and peace and I just cannot give up on this trip until I try to make things work here. Even this past weekend I was still thinking about leaving Uganda early and just getting home to the comfort of loving family and friends and true friendship. But I hate the idea of going home and having people ask me about Uganda and me just not wanting to even talk about it. I have missed out on so many things at home since coming back here (Election Day, a good friend’s wedding, 10 year High School Reunion, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve, Inauguration, Steelers big Super Bowl win, Luke’s birthday this week, and Maeve’s birthday next week…just to name the big things) and I was willing to give those things up to be here and have another amazing experience…but to miss out on those things for the experience I have had so far, it’s just not okay. So, I am really giving it my best shot and diving into work and hoping to make the most of the time I have left. And in a few weeks, if I still find myself not feeling right about being here…well, I will cross that bridge if I come to it.

And for another quick kayaking update: I got my stitches out after 8 days and got back on the water the next day to attempt that Grade 3, 50/50. I was really nervous getting in and out on the rocks but managed to survive the day without any new cuts. I also made my way down my first Grade 3 keeping my balance and just barreling through the big waves. It was amazing! Charlie decided I would be fine to try the Grade 3 section of the river which has about 5 rapids…so on January 26th we headed out with five other friends and I attempted to tackle a section of the river I had never seen before. Unfortunately, these Grade 3s (which seemed like Grade 4s and were much longer than 50/50) were also harder to get into than 50/50 and I ended up swimming 3 of them (3 of the most insane swims I have ever had on the river). As Zoe said after the first one, “that was an epic swim mate!” Two of the swims were my fault because I lost my balance turning through the boiling water trying to get into the rapids and in the other one I was making my way through just fine but ended up playing bumper boats with Charlie as we went through one of the bigger waves and when our boats hit, we both lost our balance. Since Charlie has been doing this for 11 years, he just rolled back up, but me…well, I had to release my skirt and go for another swim! I was so frustrated with myself during those swims and disappointed in my failures, but all of the others seemed to think it was okay…they explained that they had all learned the same way, we all swim, you just have to keep trying and practicing. Fortunately, I ended the day by conquering the Nile Special rapids…one of the longer ones…I didn’t go into the famous wave, but rather paddled down the middle of the river so that I could attempt to make it down the entire series of waves. I even managed to surf for a few seconds on top of the third wave…it was an amazing feeling to get down that rapid without flipping or swimming! A few of the people I kayaked with that day have asked when we’re going again…I just kind of chuckle to them. I do think that I could do it if I had a chance to practice a bit more…but I’m not sure there will be time now that I’m living 6 hours away. Maybe I will give it another shot, maybe I won’t...but at least I can say I tried kayaking Grade 3 rapids on The Nile River in my own, single person Fluid Flirt kayak once! P.S. I sold that kayak the day I left Jinja…so if I do get on the river again, I will have to borrow a boat…

I love the picture where you can see me on the back of Hassan's boat as he paddles me to my boat which Koa is lifting above his head to get all of the water out. Too funny!

Getting my life in order with a few stitches

2009-01-19T05:28:00.000-08:00

I have had some time to think and absorb what happened the first weeks of this year. And I have thought a lot about what I have missed since I arrived back in Uganda. I have been soooo unfocused and unmotivated, most especially this last month because of the holidays and then the unexpected drama. So I am trying to regain my focus and am going to do some work that I came here to do in the first place.

I spent Friday with a small, rural organization in Eastern Uganda (RARUDO) that is very similar to RACOBAO, the AIDS organization in the south that I worked with in the spring. I was the “guest of honor” and treated to many songs and dances by the women the organization helps; told about the work the organization does for the women, children, elderly and disabled in the community; shown two of the members’ farms and told how the organization has changed their lives; treated to delicious local food and really made part of their family for the day. It was beautiful and amazing to see their spirits, hear their stories and just be in their presence. And so wonderful to be back in the rural communities watching Ugandans help other Ugandans. I left them with a $130 donation (250,000 Ugandan Shillings) from the money we raised this summer at the fundraisers. It wasn’t my intention before going that I would do this, but after meeting the people in the organization and seeing how they are truly trying to help change the lives of community members in need in a sustainable way…well, I realized that the money we raised was meant for such projects and such people and it only seemed right. It wasn’t a large donation…but if the founder and executive director doesn’t have to put so much of his own money in this month (since 1996 he has put in about US $35,000), then it’s not too small either.

Spending the day with RARUDO got me so excited about heading back to Lyantonde to work with RACOBAO again. I had already made plans to go for 2-3 weeks in February before the holidays, but I am going to stay a bit longer than that. I want to be a part of that team and that family again; I want to be a bigger part of that work while I’m still here. I want to do what I loved and what made me want to come back in the first place. Of course I loved the river too, but coming back to the river has taken me away from RACOBAO. So hopefully I’ll have some better blogs to write soon enough!

In the meantime, a quick kayaking story: Last Tuesday, I finally had another chance to go on the river to practice rolling in the moving water and kayaking in general. I was so excited about spending the day on the water (it’s soooo peaceful) and attempting my first Grade 3. After the first 2 hours and a few Grade 2s, we took a break for lunch. When we got back in the water, I was meant to walk around 2 bigger rapids and then paddle down to the Grade 3 for practice. Unfortunately, I never made it. I was trying to get back into my kayak from the rocks, but they were very slippery and even with one of the local village boys holding the boat, I kept slipping. At one point, I felt as though I had just rubbed my foot the wrong way on the rock and stopped for a moment cringing with temporary pain. When I finally got into the kayak, I saw some blood in the boat…I had sliced my big toe pretty badly. It wouldn’t stop bleeding and I could even see some of the inside of my toe on the outside! I couldn’t believe it…NO NO NO! I wanted to continue on to the Grade 3, but knew that I really shouldn’t/couldn’t. Ugh. So, I made my way to the hospital in town and got the first 3 stitches of my life. Too bad the doctor (who had my friend assisting him instead of a nurse) didn’t numb my entire toe, so when he put the first stitch in at the bottom, where the cut was the worst, I felt every part of that stitch and cried out in pain. He said, “not to worry, that will be the worst one, I guess I just didn’t put enough of the medicine down there.” Oh…really! I thought he should've put a few more stitches in so that the wound could've healed a bit better, but at the time, I just wanted off his table! So, I’ve been limping around for the last 6 days trying not to get it infected and hoping that no jiggers find their way into the wound. In the process of trying to protect my toe and not step on the cut, I have upset the left side of my foot that I am walking on and in more pain from that than from the cut. Go figure! But hopefully I’ll get the stitches out on Wednesday and have a chance to enjoy the river before heading south for 5 weeks. The no swimming/no river thing is KILLING ME! Especially because it’s soooo hot and dry here…but hey, I’m not complaining (sorry everyone at home in the cold, wintry season) :).

PS...PITTSBURGH's GOING TO THE SUUUUPPPERR BOWL!

New Year's Eve 2008 and what followed

2009-01-19T04:51:00.000-08:00

What a year so far. I hesitate to even attempt to explain how the first three weeks of 2009 have played out for me...I have tried writing this many times, but keep stopping myself. It's just so ridiculous and indescribable, and just so hard to try to explain to anyone who hasn't been here, because those of us who live here can't even understand the madness. But at the same time, I feel that it’s important to tell all parts of my story.

New Years Eve was something I looked forward to since I arrived. I was just so excited to experience that holiday here in Uganda with my friends at the campsite overlooking the Nile…being in the village, at the river that I love surrounded by the people I considered to be my closest friends here. I had no idea that the night could go so terribly wrong, but at almost 11:30 pm, I found myself in a physical fight with one of my best friends here. The same Ugandan that I had had trouble with at the end of November erupted with drunken anger that I still cannot understand and we fought. I could not believe what was happening. When someone pulled us apart (I was on the ground at this point, but still trying to defend myself), I was told to move away and he continued yelling crazy things to me whilst being held back by at least 6 other guys. It was insane. So, when the rest of the crowd (who had no idea what had happened outside) started counting down the last seconds of 2008 and celebrating the New Year, I was standing amongst them alone, still in shock and in no mood to celebrate myself. What an awful way to bring in the New Year…but things were only going to get worse.

As I was waking up on January 1st and trying to process the events of the night before, I felt sad, confused and disappointed and wanted to talk with him to find out why all of that had happened and to try to mend our friendship. And in those same moments (7:30 am) in a village room 20 minutes away, he was scripting the first of four text messages he would send in the following days. They were hateful, offensive, threatening and full of expletives…and at the time, they were very hurtful. How can someone you spend so much time laughing with and smiling with and just having easy happiness with…how can they be so willing to not only throw that away, but to be so cruel in the process? I just couldn’t understand having such a reaction. I couldn’t understand having such a fight, having such anger towards a good friend and not wanting to talk about it and try to fix it. I just don’t understand where any of that craziness came from…and it didn’t stop there.

Over the next several days not only did I find out that other people I had considered friends were talking badly about me, but I found out that the one I fought with was telling lies about what happened on NYE and trying to convince everyone in the village and at the campsite to stay away from me and not be my friend. People judge people here because we are different (when I say "here", I don't mean Uganda, I mean in this specific group of human beings living at the river). Rather than embrace the differences and learn from them, people judge. You would never know that they are judging you as you dance with them or chat with them, as you smile and laugh with them…but apparently some of the people here are enjoying your company on the outside and on the inside they are judging you. And there is quite a double standard amongst people in this circle: I could do the very same thing that a Ugandan is doing, but I am wrong or a bad person because I’m doing it and no one thinks twice about the Ugandan. In the first two weeks of the year, as I tried every day to stand tall and keep my chin up, I would learn about something else someone was saying or thinking about me or receive another message and just crumble. It was so hard to be in this town and look around at the people I thought were my friends (or at the very least, I never looked at anyone as though they were my enemy) and wonder which of them truly ARE my friends/aren't my enemy. It’s just difficult to be surrounded by such negativity, such deceit, such lies, such hate…living amongst people that think you are a bad person because you are friendly and nice to everyone; it’s so hard. And I definitely never knew that by giving people/friends hugs, I was giving myself a bad name. I’m a hugger. I’ve always been a hugger; I’m affectionate and loving, it’s who I am…I just never imagined that any of those personality traits would get me into trouble. I didn’t realize how misinterpreted and misunderstood I could be. I can appreciate cultural differences, but being judged negatively for the aforementioned reasons is just something I cannot comprehend. And having people pretend to be your friend who really do not like you...this also makes no sense to me. Then just don't be my friend!!! Why waste either of our time and energy pretending?

And for those reasons, the way some of the people in the village here enjoy tearing you down and making you feel so awful, the way they make you feel like you must be a bad person if people are willing to treat you this way…it’s just a hard reality to understand. It really messes with your head. So, it’s been quite the roller coaster ride, 2009. I have had many hard days, many bad thoughts, many tears, many considerations of leaving early. But every once and a while, I have one of those days that is just so nice in which I’m surrounded by people I do sincerely believe are my friends and I just enjoy the beauty of the river or the simplicity of life here. Every once and a while I have a day that reminds me why I love it here or why I decided to come back in the first place. And those days save my spirit.

You know how people always say, “everything happens for a reason,” and sometimes that just drives us insane, right? I mean, come on….sometimes the reason is SHITTY! But if we try to remove ourselves from the situation and sit back and allow ourselves to see things from the outside (sometimes this takes a while)…every so often a good reason can be found. And I realized this yesterday. I was sitting at the campsite thinking about the friendship that I lost on NYE and realized that in losing that friendship that clearly wasn’t as great as I saw it to be, I actually gained new friendships that are really wonderful that I may have missed out on otherwise. And I am so grateful for those people and our newfound friendships. In all of this craziness, I have become very skeptical and protective of myself...trying to pick and choose who I should allow into my world...and in doing so, I have found a great group of people to keep around.

And as I find my way out of the dark forest I was lost in for the first two weeks of the year, I am letting go of the negativity and sadness. I am leaving the two people I now know are not and will never be my friends (and anyone else who goes along with their charade)…I am leaving them in that forest. They seem to like it in there. They seem to thrive from sadness and negativity; they seem to enjoy bringing people down and watching them suffer. So they can stay there…but I know I don’t belong in there. I hate living life that way; I always have...and although I know I can be negative at times, I do try my best to be positive the majority of the time. I always try to see the good in life, in people. And I know that that gets me in trouble…and believe me, I am going to take this experience with me and learn from it. But I cannot lose myself and who I am because of it. I cannot let them take my happiness...especially because that is what they want. Instead, I smile proudly and remember in my heart that I am a good person and I only need to surround myself by positivity...all the rest is just a puddle I need to jump over in the path.

Reflections and hopes for a better 2009...

2009-01-09T01:23:00.000-08:00

I’ve looked back at past blogs, from the spring and from this winter and am a bit disappointed. I apologize to those of you out there reading this and hoping to hear stories about the people I am meeting in the field and working with…about the work that I am doing. To be honest, things haven’t been as fantastic as I had hoped for; and they most certainly have not been as peaceful and relaxing and self reflective as they were in Lyantonde in the spring. The thing is…we make decisions in life and then, somehow, we have to make the most of the situations that arise. And right now, I am really trying my best to make things right…to make them better; to make them what I hoped they would be. I came back to Uganda because I found such happiness here in the work I was doing and the life I was leading gave me so much peace. But I came back to a different town and different work and different people and I just need a bit more time. As one of my closest friends once told me, sometimes we find ourselves completely lost in a deep, dark forest and the sooner we realize we are lost and find the strength to turn around and walk back…the easier it will be to get out and find the light again. I have found myself completely lost and am trying my best to find my way out of the forest...because although 2009 started off completely wrong, there is much time to change that. I still have many hopes that this can be a wonderful year full of exploration, love, adventure, friendship, hope, triumphs, surprises and much much more. "We are the music makers...we are the dreamers of dreams."

To all of you out there that donated money for me to put into the communities and organizations here, please do not doubt that your money is being put to good use. I did a few projects with Soft Power Education before the end of the year and my colleagues at RACOBAO continue to thank me for the funds we have raised. And I know that when I give them another big handful of money later this month, they will thank me again, especially because funds are always so limited for them at the beginning of the year. Your donations are going to help us to get into the field to meet with new families in need and find out how we can help them. They will provide uniforms to children so that they can attend school. They will buy a goat for a family to give them a source of sustainable income. They will be used to help sponsor a child to finish school. They will help a woman living with HIV/AIDS get the medicine she needs to live a healthier life. And so much more. Never doubt that your money is being put to good use, because even if I am still trying to find my way…your donations have never been lost! And again, I thank you all for your generosity.

Christmas and a road trip North

2009-01-05T02:28:00.000-08:00

So, the holidays came and went and I kicked myself several times for not being at home with all the people I should’ve been with. I don’t know why I thought it would be okay to be away during this time of the year…I guess I just thought it would be nice to see how things were celebrated somewhere else. But the thing is, it’s hard to celebrate and be happy when you are so far from the people you love who you are used to being with on those occasions. We tried our best to make the most of it though…some of my other Western friends and I. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day until after lunch with 30 street boys from town at the education center. We had a nice big dinner on Christmas Eve with lots of music (I represented the Varleys by trying to get people to dance and it worked after a while), some games, presents (blankets for the boys) and some movies (Elf was my favorite). I remember sitting there during dinner and looking at all the boys so happy to have such a good meal and at once I was sad to be so far from my family, but so happy because if I couldn’t be at home, there was nowhere else that I’d rather be in that moment. It was certainly both different and special. Then on Christmas morning we got up really early to cook them breakfast (on a wood burning fuel efficient stove) and I took 6 of the boys to church which ended up being 3 hours long but really beautiful and relaxing. The way the women sing here is just so raw and natural and peaceful…and there were some children doing some dances as the women sang. I also had the pleasure of having one of my favorite little village boys sit on my lap the whole time since it was so crowded. His name is Devon and he is deaf and mute and sooooo smiley and cute! Oh, and I was asked to read the Second Reading in English…so I got up there and did my best to make my mom proud. After church, we returned to the center to help finish lunch preparations and eat before the boys went back to town. We know it might have only been 20 hours of warmth, security, comfort and love…but we hope that those 20 hours will stay with them for longer and continue to keep them warm inside in some sense.

After eating that lunch, Mamma Joyce (my favorite village woman who cooks the most delicious food at her restaurant) found me and took me to her house so that I know where she lives. But of course, having a guest in your house means you must feed them and give them something to drink. I tried to explain that I was sooooo full from just eating a big lunch, but she insisted I eat something. I forced down a few pieces of delicious meat and some matooke and then she whisked me off for a soda with her brothers. It was so wonderful to sit with them and be a part of the beginning of their family gathering, but unfortunately I couldn’t stay very long because I was supposed to be back at the center helping to clean up from the festivities!

Jami, my roommate and best friend here, and I made our way to the campsite to have a holiday beer and ended up running into Kristen, a new American friend and the three of us spent the entire day together. It was far from what we all wished we could be doing (celebrating at home with family and friends), but it was the best option we had, so we made the most of it. We had a delicious dinner with some other western friends, played some drunken and silly charades and then went out dancing too. So, although it was not like Christmas at all…it turned out to be a pretty good day.

The following day I went on my 10th trip down the Nile with a few friends who came in for rafting. It was the first time my heart really wasn’t in the trip, but it ended up being a great day…of course! On the 27th, I left to meet Jami, Kristen, Alex and Ade up north for a road trip around the countryside. The land up there is very different; it’s so gorgeous and remote and in so many ways untouched because of the years of war. We were so close to the Congo that sometimes we thought we may even be in it…but we were also pretty sure the border would be guarded with heavy security (or even some rebels). All the same, it was an adventure and beautiful; and so wonderful to see a different part of Uganda and remember why we are all here…not for the drama of life in Jinja, but for the people living in rural villages that all of the organizations we work with are trying to help.

We passed several IDP camps that would just pop up in the middle of nowhere…just bunches of huts piled into a small area, people living on top of each other. People are still living there away from their homes, passing their days in normal Ugandan ways: gathering water and wood, cooking, playing, sitting together. And as we passed each camp, I wished we could stop and sit with some of the people; talk with them…but I knew many of them would not welcome us (even though Ugandans are, by nature, very welcoming people). You can just tell as you drive by in the faces of the people that some of them are so happy to see you, but some of them wish they hadn’t seen you at all. And understandably so. They see us driving our vehicle through their little village for just a few seconds and having a quick glance into their lives; lives that they live every minute of every day from which they have very few chances of driving away. They see us and the color of our skin and they assume that our lives must be better, that we are more privileged than they are, that our lives must be easier. And you know what…they are right. I was never forced to leave my home and live in such close quarters with strangers for so many years. I have never had my family members killed or taken away and made into child soldiers. I have never gone to sleep at night worried that tomorrow might never come. And as is typical in all parts of Uganda, not just the north, we drove by at least a hundred people during our 15 hour road trip walking (probably for miles) with wood or water on their heads for cooking, produce for selling or such long bundles of grass that you couldn’t even see the girl’s head. And I have never had to do any of that either. Being up north for those 3 days made us all remember what we are here for in the first place. And for the first time, I did feel lazy. Some Ugandans I see on a daily basis (men) try to tell me that white people are lazy because we don’t carry water or washing on our heads; because we don’t wash our clothes by hand or on the rocks as African women do; because we don’t have 10 babies and still do all of that too (all things that women do, they never mention anything about African men). And I always argue that we are just different. We may not do those things…but that doesn’t make us lazy. We just grew up in a different way. And there are things that we do that I don’t see Ugandans doing…I don’t see them working 10-12 hour days multi tasking in front of a computer, answering the phone, writing contracts, meeting clients, etc. We are just different. But for those few days, I looked at the people (mostly the women) and I did feel lazy.

Christmas time already???

2008-12-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Wow, I can’t believe it is the middle of December already. It feels so strange to be so far from everyone I would normally want to be around this time of year…especially living in this tropical climate, it’s just so hot and dry! I have been listening to my Christmas music this last week and trying to imagine what everyone is doing at home and how you are all feeling. Although it may be cold where you are, you are probably surrounded by friends and family celebrating the holiday with some good music, food and drinks…and really, there is nothing that could keep you warmer than all of that! I do realize what I am missing and part of me wishes that I could be there with all of the people that I love and who love me as well; but at the same time, I am anxious to see what Christmas will be like here in Uganda. We are planning on celebrating at the Education Center with about 30 street children from Jinja town. They will come up Christmas Eve for dinner, games, music, movie, etc. and then stay the night and we will all have breakfast together in the morning. It should be really nice! Who knows what will happen later in the day, but with most of our Ugandan friends busy with family, it may just be me and a few friends playing in the river and enjoying some cold beverages. We shall see…I will keep you posted!

On another note, I had to get my 4th root canal of the year (first in Uganda) last Friday in Kampala. I was a bit nervous about going to the dentist here as I don’t even enjoy going to the dentist at home…but she was recommended by a friend and did a fabulous job. I actually fell asleep during much of the procedure and although I had a bit of post RC pain that day and the following day…I feel so much better! And the beauty of getting it done in Uganda is that without insurance the cost is about $200 (including pain killers, antibiotics and follow up appointment); as opposed to the $1000 or so I spent on each one at home WITH insurance!

In another repeat medical occurrence, I had another jigger removed from my foot yesterday. Different foot and this time on the side near my heel. Because my feet are always so dirty from the village, the dust, my shoes, etc. I can never really tell what’s going on down there. But I noticed a sore spot near where I had some blisters last month and after my shower and a bit of a scrub on the stone floor, I could see a white blister dot with a dark spot in the middle. As soon as I showed my friend, she said “ah, it’s a jigger!” Oh brother…these things love me. I don’t understand how they can burrow themselves in my feet without me noticing, but they do. A few people have told me to where closed shoes instead of the flip flops I’m always sporting. Ugh. Just what I want, to wear tennis shoes all day in the middle of Africa and 80 degree weather. I hate wearing closed shoes in the summer time…sandals are just so much more comfortable! And I did try it out today and it was awful and my toes are still mad at me for closing them in all day. I also have a pretty bad crack on the other side of that same heel that has been problematic for about a month now…it even had me limping for a few days. Hmmmm…

On a lighter note, I went kayaking with Charlie last weekend and although I had a few problems with my rolls, he did take me into the current to practice paddling in the moving water and that was great! I even managed to roll up on my own when the boat flipped over in the moving water (on my second roll attempt). We were both pretty excited about that J.

We had a few good party days this week. Sunday Jami and I were relaxing by the pool at the Nile Resort and went to take a break from the sun and ended up getting a jet boat ride to a random Indian/Muzungu party. We thought we were just riding the boat and then driving back to the resort, but it turned out that they were there with the boat to give the people at the party some rides. As we stood there staring at the food and the bar and tried to live vicariously through the folks helping themselves, one of the older Indian men came over and told us to make ourselves at home…we were so excited! Three hours later, after many drinks and many more plates of Indian food and BBQ pork ribs (YUM!!!) the party was winding up and I decided to ask the “band” if they knew Time After Time. To my surprise they handed me a microphone and told me to just start singing and they would figure it out. I was so excited…I love that song and I love singing!!! And they actually told me thank you afterwards…man I love karaoke or any form of it J.

Monday was Charlie’s birthday and there was no way I was going to let him get away with celebrating it Ugandan style (which means not really at all). We started the party early at the campsite…probably around 4 pm, he was passing drinks around to all of his friends. Then we went to town and continued the same party until we ended up at my place with a bag full of pork (6 kilograms), a bottle of vodka and a very special birthday cake! There ended up being about 10 people hanging out that night with music on the roof and Charlie said that it was truly a great birthday…different from the others and just really nice. I was just so happy that I was here to be a part of the celebration!

As the year comes to an end, I become a bit more pensive about how it has been and curious about how the next one will be. There are so many things that I am grateful for and many reasons to celebrate and be happy. I remember last year as I rang in the New Year at an 80’s cover band concert completely sober (I was in the middle of a 3 month no drinking thing), I said to myself, “2008 is going to be MY year; Marci’s year.” And although at the time, I wasn’t sure what that would mean, I look back on the year now and I realize that it truly was my year for me. Quitting my job and leaving DC and all that I know to come to Uganda was a bit crazy/drastic, but it was a step of self discovery and exploration. The year has had its ups and downs, but in the end all of it has made me stronger, a bit more self aware and very appreciative of all that I DO have in this life. Maybe 2009 can be the year that I really find my place in this world, where I can make a home, what I can do and find someone with whom to share it all…

…here’s hoping that your holiday season is full of love, laughter and peace and that you are surrounded by many people that love you! Happy Holidays!!!

Emotional highs and lows and a jigger...

2008-12-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

Gosh, I have had an emotional few weeks here and have finally come out the other side. When I went home in June it took me two full months to readjust to life in the states…so I do realize that I need to give myself enough time in all my transitions (which usually means giving myself much more time than I think I need). Ugandan culture is very different from American culture and some things are just really difficult to get used to. And even living in Jinja compared to Lyantonde, because there is much more to do here socially, there are also more issues socially. In Lyantonde I might have spent most of my time alone, but at least I didn’t have to deal with high stress levels. On November 23rd I lost one of my best friends and didn’t get him back until December 5. It was a long two weeks in which I was lost and confused and sad and just not at all understanding what had happened. He was clearly upset with me, but wouldn’t even sit down to talk to me about it…he just stopped talking to me; stopped looking at me. Many people here in Uganda don’t open up and talk about problems they are facing or issues that have upset them. Instead, they just shut you out and close up. It’s very difficult for me as I am so different and do not handle life that way. I just feel like you should at least have a discussion about what happened and why things have changed…you shouldn’t just shut down. You all should have seen the faces on all the village folks on Friday when I was very emotionally crying (I was just exhausted by 2 weeks of dealing with this issue and trying to get my friend back)…it was quite the spectacle. People don’t cry here, they don’t show emotion. So when I get upset, I am told by my friends to not cry. “Please don’t cry Marci.” But not in the, “oh that’s sad” kind of way. No. They are saying it like…”don’t cry, you shouldn’t cry.” But I am very comfortable with the fact that I am emotional and that I have feelings and I am not at all ashamed to show them. So, in the end, we talked it out (well, I still did most of the talking) and my friend and I are back to normal and have moved forward. (And I asked him and told him to never do that again.) We are friends, we must learn together and help each other grow…if I do something to upset you, just TELL ME. We can work on it and try to make it better together…but we should never give up on each other.

So during all of that I was spending time with other friends and trying my best to keep my mind on other things. Jami and I had a funny matatu ride back to Jinja last weekend. We got a few marriage proposals, I explained we already have Ugandan husbands (a little white lie is necessary in these situations) but they were still hopeful. Then as we crossed the Nile, I announced to everyone that “this is the Nile River!” and then started singing one of my favorite African club songs. I think they were sad to see us get out a few minutes later…they were enjoying the muzungu entertainment :) . I also had a few Americans visit last weekend. I had run into Lauren at the checkout counter at the co-op in Vermont this summer and found out she was going to be in Rwanda. So we exchanged emails and 2 months later she came from Rwanda and her friend came from Tanzania and they went rafting on the Mighty White Nile. They stayed for a few days in which we slept on the roof and stayed up late; went to the disco at 1:30 in the morning and swam in the river. They were great and I was glad it worked out…it was nice to have some people to laugh with.

I also had my first Jigger! I thought I just had dirt under my toe, but I couldn’t get it out all week and it was hurting and there appeared to be a bit of a blister. So when I saw Jami, I showed her and she immediately said, “I think that’s a jigger.” I didn’t even know what a damn jigger is at that point. But when I showed some of my Ugandan friends they just laughed…so I went to the “local expert”, Betty, and she confirmed the news. I had a village worm living under my toenail and it had probably laid some eggs since it had been there a whole week. She got to work with the safety pin and quite painlessly removed the black worm and then poured some alcohol in the wound to kill the babies/eggs. Fun times :) !

Let’s see, what else…I finally had my second kayaking/rolling lesson this past Friday and was so excited to roll the boat! I couldn’t believe it. So Saturday, I kayaked the first 3 kilometers of the rafting trip with 2 friends. There are just 3 small rapids in that section, Grade 1 and Grade 2. It was really fun going through the waves and so exciting to get through them without flipping over…but then I’d hit a whirlpool or eddy and lose my balance and go under. And since I was in a bigger boat that what I’d learned in the day before and I was in moving water…there was no chance for me to roll. So I swam a few times. But as all the kayakers I meet have said, everyone swims. I wish I could’ve done better, but it was just my first day paddling alone on the water and in the end, I think I did okay. Sunday Charlie came out with me to work on the roll in my boat, the bigger Fluid (I bought a kayak and gear from a friend so that I don’t have to always be borrowing). I wasn’t feeling TOO confident, but after 3 attempts, I actually got it! I was soooo excited. We spent an hour or so down on the water in which I just kept practicing my rolls, half and full, and only swam twice when I was attempting to roll in moving water. There are definitely stepping stones when learning something new. I have the roll in the flat water down and now I just have to get out and paddle and learn how to read the water, balance in the whirl pools and roll in the moving water. I just have to keep getting out on the water and practicing. I can’t wait to be able to go down some Grade 3s!!! Yay!

Monday night, an old high school friend, Ms. Ellen Carey, came into town for the rafting yesterday. It was so nice to see a friendly face and I really do love showing people Bujagali and the river and just how gorgeous this location is. We enjoyed a nice swim in the river and then hung out a bit at the campsite. I was so glad yesterday that I was able to get on the rafting trip with her so that we could spend some more time together before she left later that day. And, yes, it was my 9th trip down the Nile, but I think Charlie really out did himself this time. I’m not sure if he will ever be able to give me a better day than that. We had the most amazing rides on all the rapids. We fell out or flipped on every single rapid (including the waterfall) except two: Retrospect which he had us close our eyes until he yelled “OPEN” and we just saw this huge wave coming over us; and The Bad Place, the last rapid of the day, in which we had the most amazing surf ever! I have always wanted to get a good surf, but have never had more than 5 seconds or so. Yesterday, with the boat a bit soft and only 3 of us in the raft (the others decided to watch from shore), we hit the hole perfectly and stayed in for 35 seconds surfing, going around and around in circles, in and out of the hole, back and forth, bouncing all over the boat. It was insane and soooo much fun! We weren’t sure we were ever going to get spit out…but held on for the ride until we did and then celebrated. It was brilliant and the longest surf I've ever seen!!! And yes, I did say we fell out at the waterfall. We actually got stuck at the top for a bit and when we went over the falls, 5 of the 7 people in the raft fell out. All I could think was…”not again!” When I came up, I was under the waterfall again, but this time the boat was still there and I grabbed on for dear life. Charlie was there yelling “HOLD ONTO THE ROPE” to which I shouted back, “I AM HOLDING ONNNNN!!!” I was NOT going to let go no matter what. So we all got back in the boat and had a good laugh. I could go on and on as many of you know…I just love that river and I love the adventure of the rafting and how it’s always different and exciting. I will never stop enjoying and loving the Nile…and now I can start the adventure of learning to kayak the Nile.

Oh...and when we got back to the trucks to head to the campsite, we found a cow giving birth. It was quite amazing and something I've never seen before. So, all in all, it was just a great day to be alive (or born!) :)...

So, after some emotional weeks, I am feeling much more balanced and continue to feel so grateful for the loved ones I do have in my life; all the people who will never leave me; all the people who will always be there for me. It’s hard to believe that Christmas is right around the corner. It’s just been so hot and dry here (we got out first rain in almost 4 weeks yesterday and today) and I’m so far away from all the people I would normally be with. But I am thinking of you, I am sending my love and I am constantly thankful that, although you may be far, I know you are always with me.

A very thankful Thanksgiving...

2008-11-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

Let’s see, where to begin…HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone at home! I have so much to be thankful for this year: all of the love and support from my family and friends…the value of that is immeasurable and very much appreciated. There are so many people in different parts of the world that are constantly with me and without all of them, I wouldn’t be able to continue this crazy journey that I am on. So to all of you out there that love me unconditionally, in my best and my worst moments, when I am laughing and when I am crying, when I am triumphing and when I am struggling…to all of you, I thank you always from the bottom of my heart and please never forget that.

And now for an update on life back in Uganda…we have extended our stay in the current rooms until the end of the year to give us some more time to find something better. And to be honest, we won’t be that upset if we end up just staying there long term. But we know we can get a house or self contained flat for less money, so that is why we will continue the search in December. However, the escari (security guard) is wonderful, which is always nice and the other folks in the complex are nice as well. I did forget to mention that on top of the flying grasshoppers (it’s the season for them so everyone is frying them up if they don’t die in our rooms first!), the cockroach and mouse…we also had a bat in our bathroom one morning! I think Jami accidentally slammed the door on its wing, or maybe it was already injured, but either way the poor thing couldn’t fly but still freaked us out. And I really had to pee! So, we got Alama, our downstairs neighbor and new friend from the rafting company to get it out for us. When he threw it over the fence, it couldn’t even fly away…it just dropped to the ground. :(

I also keep forgetting to mention that we are located directly across the street from the main club in town. It’s kind of funny because we literally have a one minute walk home at the end of the night…and also funny because if we want we can just go up onto our roof terrace (yep, forgot to mention that too!) and dance to the music up there for free. But of course you don’t get the club atmosphere…although it’s much cooler with the breeze. We also have a lake view which is gorgeous even though we have to look over some slum areas before our eyes go up to the lake. So, all in all, life in Jinja is good.

The school festival was a success in my book. We started only 15 minutes late and ended 15 minutes early. I was shocked! I spent the day running around like a crazy woman trying to keep everything going and make sure that lunch would be on time and quizzes were running according to schedule and taking schools off the football field if they were running late, etc. It was exhausting for sure…but I think the children enjoyed the day and I know the winning school was very excited about the ATV rides they won!

It hasn’t rained in almost two weeks now, which is fine with me, but I know the farmers need the rain. No rain equals LOTS of dust so it’s impossible to go from town to the village and back without being caked in dust. At the end of the day you think you’ve gotten some color on your skin until you shower and it all washes away! I definitely do have a good base tan now…but the other day I took a nice long, warm shower at my friend’s house in Kampala and as I washed my hair the soap and water all turned brown. I just laughed to myself. With brown hair and tan skin, it’s hard to know how dusty you are until you shower and it all comes off! Sometimes I just have to sleep with some socks on because my feet are so dirty from the day and I don’t want to get the bed too dirty. I still take most of my baths in the river and shave my legs there as well. It’s just nice and raw and natural and different. And since my shower only has cold water, why not kill two birds with one stone and get a swim in the river and a bath all at the same time?!?!

I finally got my first kayaking lesson from Koa last Sunday. We spent 2 hours on the water with Jami…she had never even been in a kayak and picked up the rolling technique much faster than I did which made me even more frustrated that I couldn’t seem to get the hip flick. Koa just kept yelling, “Marci…the HIPS, the HIIIPPPSSS!” How is a girl supposed to flick herself back up from under the water when she sees this gentle, normally smiley young man yelling “H-I-P-S” at her?!?!? He didn’t think I was taking it seriously, but I was and I am and I am really determined to learn how to roll before the end of the year. And now what you’ve all been waiting for…I did it. I finally went rafting this past Saturday and had a really nice day! The weather has been gorgeous so it was a perfect day to be on the water. The rapids were just as fantastic as I remember and this time…I did NOT fall out of the boat at the waterfall, although I did have a front row seat as we went over the falls. Half of us fell out on three rapids and we completely flipped on another two…so I did a lot of swimming! And the funny thing is that none of my friends came to my rescue this time. I guess since it was my 8th trip, they figure they should go for the first timers who might be a bit more anxious than me.

After the BBQ and a bit of partying at the campsite, a bunch of us ended up heading to town to go to the Reggae Concert. We ended up dancing beside the stage for a few hours and in the middle of it all, one of the performers looked at me and my Canadian friend and asked us to come on stage. Since Tamara was there with her boyfriend, I ended up agreeing to go up alone. As I climbed the steep stairs to the stage all I could think was “do NOT trip up these stairs!” When I approached the singer he asked where I am from and I said, a bit shyly, “America.” But then, I pulled the microphone back over and said, almost like a robot, “O-BA-MA” and the crowd cheered. And as many of you know, once I’m up there I love being on stage, so I decided to do a little hip flick dance (I knew I could flick them!) on stage in a circle to which the crowd cheered again; and then finally, I danced with the performer and we went as low as we could go…and again the crowd cheered. So all in all, it was a fun moment and I managed not to trip or embarrass myself!

As I finish writing this entry, I am back in my original Ugandan hometown of Lyantonde…and of course it was another adventure trying to get here yesterday. My bus got pulled over 3 times and the third time was the same group of traffic cops who apparently had told the driver at the last stop that he would have to go to court in the next town. So they literally took him away in their traffic cop car and left us (a full bus) sitting on the side of the road with the engine running for an hour! Once he finally got back to the bus we were off again only to blow a tire 20 minutes from my stop. I couldn’t believe it, I was not going to wait another hour. Finally after being bothered by numerous motorcycle taxis asking for way too much money, I ended up on another bus that had 20 people too many on board so I just stood squished in the aisle until I could get out in Lyantonde. It wasn’t the entrance I had hoped for…but as I approached the vocational school where I taught English in the spring, I heard my students practicing their songs about HIV/AIDS and I swear it’s one of the most beautiful sounds you’d ever hear. When I walked up to them they all stopped singing and started to cheer…and immediately my spirits were lifted. I love being back in Lyantonde. It will always feel like home. But the river is constantly calling me back…

An update from the last week...

2008-11-15T12:20:00.000-08:00

Nothing too exciting to report yet...

If you haven't noticed, I don’t get to the internet very often and when I do, the connection is mediocre. But today I am attempting to upload two blogs and will try better to get one up once a week from now on. I had to leave the first internet spot because the fact that the damn space bar didn't work was driving me INSANE!

Things are going well. Preparations for the school festival are in full swing and since it’s the Friday after Thanksgiving, I’ll spend my Thursday night getting everything ready and all day Friday running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to ensure all goes according to our plans as much as possible! I have thought about making some stuffing and mashed potatoes and just buying some of that delicious pork I mentioned in my first entry and having a few friends get together…I’m just not sure when. Maybe Sunday the 23rd. Not exactly a Thanksgiving Dinner…but as much as I’m trying to attempt considering I don’t have a real stove and no oven at all. I haven’t actually cooked at all yet…but I do have a bit better of a stove this time around: two real burners, we just need to fill up the gas can.

As for the rest of our living situation…it’s still alright. The rooms are quite large and comfortable and we love the adjoining factor. It just seems like we’re back in school or something. The only downfalls are: the first week we were here we were chasing flying grasshoppers out of our rooms and this last week we saw had to get one big cockroach out and do our best to keep the mouse that keeps coming in out. Hmmm. And the last downfall is that we were supposed to have the toilet and shower just for ourselves, although they are outside on the balcony and unlocked. We realized this week that other people are using our shower items and toilet paper…and since we thought we were paying to have those things to ourselves, it’s a bit frustrating. Oh, and when it rains really really hard (although after last night's 12 hours of rain, this didn't happen), the ceiling in my room leaks and i get a 3 foot wide puddle in my room.

Finally, it took 2 weeks and lots of threats, but we FINALLY got our money back from the awful guesthouse from my first night. The man just kept laughing at us and telling us that Ugandans are poor and once you give them money, you won’t get it back. He didn’t seem to understand that that isn’t how you run a business…and he kept referring to himself as a businessman and would then speak to the other Ugandans in the room in Lusoga talking about Muzungus this and that. They all agreed with us and told him in English that he wasn't treating us properly and he just laughed. And I very sternly said that this has nothing to do with black and white...this is people to people and you are NOT treating us correctly. This is NOT how you run a business. Ridiculous. He also kept telling me to relax and sit down and said I am a stubborn muzungu (white person). I said that if me being frustrated because you’re treating us unfairly and essentially stealing our money is stubborn…then yes, I’m stubborn! It was extremely frustrating and annoying…but we don’t have to deal with him anymore because he FINALLY paid (although he does owe us 8.000 Ush so we are going to stop over for 4 beers later this week i think). We also have to constantly fight for fair prices on the motor bike taxis and the restaurants in the village. Because they don't post any menus/prices when they see muzungus they charge double what they charge Ugandans. It's very frustrating as we are not tourists, we are living here and volunteering and it's exhausting trying to explain to people that we know the real cost and you are cheating us. But we do not put up with it and we pay what we know our Ugandan friends pay and we leave them standing their with their mouths open and hands out for more money. No...no more money for you, you've already overcharged us the first 2 weeks so technically YOU owe US money! Ugh.

And that’s all I have for now. Despite the possible tone about, things have been going well and I am happy. I STILL haven’t gone rafting or kayaking…but again, I think tomorrow might be my lucky day for one of the above. Let’s cross our fingers that Koa doesn’t have to work so that he can spend an hour or so teaching me how to keep my balance and roll in the kayak. I can’t even believe that it’s November because I’m living in a semi-tropical climate (although it does rain a couple times a week)…and slowly and surely I’m getting some color again. I can't believe it's Thanksgiving week and Christmas is next month...so hard to absorb when it's hot and humid and I'm so far away from all the people I'd love to be with at this time of year.

Don't bother asking me what I am doing with my life...because I have yet to figure it out. I constantly question myself and hope that I am making the right decisions...but find comfort in the fact that nothing is ever forever unless you want it to be. And even then, it doesn't always last. I also find comfort in knowing I have so many people at home who love me no matter what and accept me for who I am and who I am trying to be. Without all of those people...I would be lost. Believe me, I miss you and the comforts of home so much more than you could ever know...

I miss all my friends and family dearly and am definitely craving little Miss Maeve and Sir Luke soooo much!!!

My number: 011 256 779 471 278

My address: Marci Varley, C/O Soft Power Education, P.O. Box 1493, Jinja, Uganda

The first week or so back...

2008-11-05T12:15:00.000-08:00

Wow, I can’t believe I’m writing a blog from Uganda again. It always amazes me how life just takes you on different journeys and you really are just along for the ride. Sure it takes effort and patience and the interest to follow some of the paths in front of us, but in the end…we really are just on a roller coaster ride in life. And one that we never want the train to pull up to the end stop because we never really do want the ride to be over, do we?

So…I had the most ridiculously crazy, hectic, frustrating, annoying, confusing, crazy (have I said that yet?) first week ever. Sure, I visited Jinja on a handful of occassions during my last trip…I think I came to town 5 times so I could go down the river 7 times. And no, I haven’t rafted yet…but I’ve thought about it loads and it won’t be long! (But I digress.) This town is soooo much different from Lyantonde, where I lived this past spring. There is so much more going on here, a lot more life to the city and more options of what to do in my free time and with whom. It is just an entirely new experience because it is nothing like my life here before. And although it has taken a week to get to the point where I can say this, it is true…things are great!

After 8 hours traveling to London, 10 hours sitting in Heathrow airport (dinner with Chris and Jake was awesome, I was soooo glad to see them again this year even if we were stuck at the airport! Unfortunately when I went through security they unpacked my entire big backpack…stuffed with so much random stuff…just because they wanted to get my toy handcuffs out. I couldn’t believe it! I explained to the girl who couldn’t have been older than 24 and was definitely laughing inside about the whole thing, that she was ruining my halloween costume…couldn’t she see the police shirt right there and what good would that be without the hand cuffs??? And they’re a toy…you can release out of them without a key. Ugh. But I had no time to really fuss because my gate was closing and I had to run to catch the plane. Whatever.) ANYWAYS…then another 8 hour flight to Entebbe, followed by a 2 hour taxi ride to Jinja and the next thing I knew I was having the most amazing pork lunch with a handful of my friends.

Jami, the English girl I met in the spring who I am living with, had already been here for 5 weeks looking for a place for us. Upon my arrival, we moved into a guesthouse that seemed okay enough…something temporary until we find our own place…but it didn’t turn out to be so great. Only one of the two rooms we had paid for was prepared for us, so Jami stayed somewhere else that first night. At 4:30 in the morning I was woken up by someone pounding on my door telling me to “please come.” Clearly, I did not. There was no way I was leaving my room at that hour to whatever might be outside. Apparently several of the guests were travelling together and leaving early in the morning and for whatever reason thought I was part of their group maybe? Who knows…but that just really irked me. Then when Jami arrived in the morning to change for work she found that her room (that had all of her stuff in it when she left) had been slept in by someone else and her things had been moved. So, at 8 in the morning my very first day back and still jet lagged I found some clothes to put on and we stumbled out of that place with all of our stuff not sure where we would go to sleep that night…just knowing that we would NOT be staying at that guesthouse again. We are still trying to get our money back. Hopefully, tomorrow is the day.

The next four nights were spent moving from place to place, staying with different friends. Jami and I were grumpy and frustrated and exhausted. The process of finding a place here is just ridiculous. Basically, we have talked with all of our local friends, who then all “have a guy” or know “the man” and then we spend hours waiting or driving around trying to get into places to check them out. My first two days were spent on the back of a boda with my friend Charlie for hours at a time just trying to find a place. We went to 7 places one day and only actually got to see three. Oh…and everyone wants to be paid for having found a place for you to look at. Even if they show you something that isn’t even close to what you are looking for. I finally told Charlie to tell all these different men that if they show us something that doesn’t have what we’ve asked for, then we will not pay. We did find an amazing house that would have been great, but after waiting an entire day for the “key man” to let us in, we tried for three days to meet with “the man” (the owner) to finalize a deal and a week later still haven’t met him.

Fortunately, we did find a place that is working really well right now: 2 big bedrooms combined by an adjoining door and then a kitchen, toilet and shower all on the balcony outside for us to use. Not exactly a flat…but we got to unpack last Monday and buy some house items and actually settle for a moment. And our moods/attitudes have greatly improved since moving in…it’s amazing how not having somewhere to call your own can be so unsettling! We have had good days for almost a whole week now and spend our days laughing at things that would have really pissed us off before. It’s all good…hakuna matata!

As for everything else: I am now in charge of a big school festival at the center which is on November 21st. My job is to make sure that everything gets done and prepared before that day and that on the day, everything runs smoothly. But with 230 students and 45 teachers moving through the day in 15 minute intervals…it’s a logistical nightmare! I’ve also started running again, trying to at least, with the help of my friend Greece who comes with me and keeps me going when I get tired 15 minutes into my 20 minute jog (I’m so out of shape!). Then we go down to the river to cool off with a quick swim and I take a bath/wash my hair and head to work. We all celebrated Halloween at the campsite my first Friday here and had too much fun and this past Friday Jami and I had a housewarming party at our place. There were about 15 people dancing and drinking the night away…it was fun!

So…all is well. I am supposed to get a kayaking lesson today or tomorrow from a friend who works with the rafting company. I can’t believe I’ve been here 10 days and haven’t gone rafting yet…it’s a record! And it doesn’t feel like 10 days at all…it feels like 2 months. Anyways…I hope you are all well! I miss you…

FUNDRAISING for RACOBAO and Soft Power

2008-09-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

I can still remember the thoughts running through my head during my second day out in the field with RACOBAO in March of the fundraiser I would have in DC when I got back. On August 21, 2008 we raised $1300 at a happy hour event with raffles (Ugandan handicrafts) and silent auction items (generously donated by area businesses). And I've raised another couple hundred dollars on my online fundraising page: www.justgiving.com/marcivarley. With an ultimate goal of $4000 (to be split evenly between RACOBAO and Soft Power), we are off to a good start, but have a ways to go!

On October 18, 2008 I am hosting a fundraising event in Pittsburgh, PA at Camp Deer Creek from 3-7 pm. It is a family oriented picnic with more raffles and silent auction items and lots of hopes for a great turn out and generous donations!

The work that these two organizations do truly changes lives but cannot be done without our donations. $20 buys a school uniform and allows a child to go to school for an entire year! Think about what that means. We all know that education = power. Please help me to empower the children and their families!

If you have any questions about the fundraising events, the online donating page or the volunteering...please don't hesitate to ask!

Heading back to Uganda!

2008-09-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

So, in my last post, I was getting ready to spend my last few days in Uganda by the Mighty White Nile River...probably my favorite place in the country. I had a fantastic couple of days that started with a day rafting the rapids with the NRE crew I had become friends with and ended with one of my favorite Ugandan meals...pork and cabbage at a typical Uganda pork joint. In between, I ended up going on the river one last time as I really just couldn't help myself. It was a gorgeous day, perfect for rafting, and most of my friends were going to be working on the river that day. I didn't want to spend my last full day in Jinja by myself...so I signed up for my 7th trip! It was a great day and one that I'll never forget because I actually fell out of the raft at the waterfall (Overtime) and got stuck underneath for what seemed like forever. In the video you can see my struggling to get up, but the water is pushing me down and pushing the safety/rescue kayakers away. I know in those moments I was thinking I might be in a bit of trouble and a few of the guys told me afterwards that they were pretty scared as well! But the Mighty Nile let me go that day to tell the story and I have shown the video on more than one occassion. It's pretty crazy and intense!

The return home was difficult. It is not an easy transition to go from rural Africa to urban America and I was really caught off guard...I just didn't expect to have such a hard time adapting back into American life. It didn't take me long to realize that I wanted to get back to Uganda...I just had to figure out when. And after 3 months of floating around the east coast visiting family, organizing fundraisers and working on projects for RACOBAO...I finally bought my ticket! I will be heading back to Uganda on October 27, 2008 and returning April 22, 2009. Six months this time. Because of my love for the Jinja/Bujagali area around the Nile, I am going to be living there and volunteering with Soft Power Education (www.softpowereducation.com) most of the time; although I will also make trips to Lyantonde to do projects with RACOBAO (www.racobao.org) as well. I am so excited that I am able to go back and work with 2 amazing organizations as well as immerse myself in the culture again and enjoy the simplicity of life there. I can't wait to see what is in store for me!

Be sure to stay tuned as I will be updating this as often as I can while I am away.

Saying goodbye...

2008-06-13T02:41:00.000-07:00

A beautiful quote that was sent to me during my time here:

"You are that mystery which you are seeking to know. You are the love you first sought, whether conscious of it or not. Your personal journey, either in this lifetime or another in the future, will bring you to this center within yourself. Traveling alone upon a solo-quest is the perfect catalyst for this grand voyage given to the human being as a birthright. So go find yourself in solitude where the inner landscapes of personality become most audible within a world of possibility.”

Well folks, this is it…I’ve slept my last night in Lyantonde and I’m saying my goodbyes today before heading to Jinja and the Nile River for my last 3 ½ days in Uganda. One colleague says it seems as though I’ve been here just a week or two because time has gone so fast and another says how long it seems since I arrived. The way I feel…right in the middle. I feel as though I have been here for a year, not just 14 weeks; but I also feel that it’s gone too fast and I cannot believe it is time for me to leave! What a journey this has been. From those first lonely and long weeks of adjustment to all my adventures on the Nile River (one more to go this Saturday!) to the amazing moments in the field and the self discovery along the way…it has been eye opening and life changing. I have learned so much about the world through meeting the people you see in my pictures and I have learned so much about myself. And although I have NO IDEA what I will be doing in the next chapter of my life or where that chapter will take me physically and spiritually…I know that I will carry this experience with me always. The faces, the empty eyes, the smiles, the loss…the HOPE! And the happiness, peace and calm that I have found in my soul is something that I will concentrate on keeping there, no matter what comes into my path. I know that it will be hard sometimes; I know sometimes I may stray from that path and get lost for a moment…but I will fight my way back. I won’t let myself get soooo lost ever again! I won’t let myself allow outside influences to dimmer the light in my heart again, at least not so much. I will remember Uganda and its people and this time…and I will remember my new life motto, “no one can get in the way of what I’m feeling!”

We really are the masters of our soul and the captains of our own destiny…it’s up to us.

A few of my last photos from the field…

Norah Catherine...I really love this woman, so sweet and spunky and caring for 3 young children!

Joseph and Clement, 12 and 13 years old, living on their own for 3 years now and the sweet couple who check in on them.

Sunset from my favorite spot in Lyantonde.

Just a few things...

2008-06-10T01:24:00.001-07:00

(Lyantonde Town early morning)

First thing…if you’ve been reading this blog, you know how much I truly love this country. The land is gorgeously untouched, natural beauty; the people are very welcoming and happy. But there is one thing that I haven’t mentioned that has just started to bother me in the last week or two…something I have been very patient with but finally, this weekend, I could no longer smile about it because I’m tired of it. I am tired of being discriminated against because of the color of my skin; I am tired of the racism. I am tired of having to bargain and sometimes argue my way to the fair price; the real price. I’m tired of people assuming that because I am white, I am rich. I want to be treated as a human being; as a fellow person on this great big planet. I have never been racist; I have always hated racism and discrimination against any minority. And really, I have always been attracted to people of different backgrounds, nationalities, ethnicities and colors because to me, the differences we have are what make the world interesting and exciting. I like the differences because I know immediately that we will be able to learn and grow and become better people because of them. So, after 3 months of dealing with being the extreme minority and always getting “Muzungu” prices…I lost it on Sunday.
I was trying to travel from Kampala to Lyantonde and was just really frustrated after the boda boda (motor bike taxi) driver and bus folks did exactly what I knew they would do: overprice me. I always have to explain that I know how much it costs, I do this all the time; I’m not a tourist just passing through. I am living here. Working here. Volunteering here to help other Ugandans and it would be really nice if I could be treated fairly. The boda driver laughed when he realized I know what I’m doing and said it seems like I’ve been here for a few years, not a few months and agreed to let me pay the fair price. The bus folks, on the other hand, were really rude. I refused to pay what they were asking and put up a fight…I really wasn’t in the mood! After 2 busses stuck to their “Muzungu” price of 15,000 Ush, I was on my way out of the bus park when a woman stopped me and asked if she could help. I explained that I travel this route every week…I know how much it costs; I’m tired of hearing “the petrol prices went up” as an excuse. I will pay 12,000 Ush and no more…and should really just have been paying 10,000 Ush. She was very nice and took me to her bus, told me to remember that Gateway treated her fairly and allowed me to pay the 12,000 Ush. It’s just exhausting.

Another thing (and a much lighter topic!)…when I lived in Germany, I remember asparagus season as quite the phenomenon. I had never seen such a specific food celebrated so widely and passionately…everywhere you look during that season, there is asparagus! They really love their asparagus. Well, last week I realized that it is grasshopper season. For 3 months the strangest thing I’d seen people eating were the cow intestines that are part of the traditional Ugandan breakfast. But now, there are grasshoppers around every corner! People are selling them on the sides of roads already fried in their own oil and in a baggie, coming onto the bus to sell them; my colleagues are eating them at their desk for breakfast and the guy on the boda next to mine is carrying a big bag of them too. They are everywhere! And if you don’t see them dead in a bag waiting to become someone’s snack, you see them hopping around still alive trying to escape an inevitable death...or in the hands of children playing (above with one of my favorite girls in town). Grasshoppers are a delicacy here and now that the “rainy” season is over (it didn’t rain so much), you can’t get down the block without seeing them. It’s crazy!

And the final thing today…I just love the smiles and innocence of children! Yesterday after getting a chapatti making lesson from the cooks at one of the restaurants I frequent, I ended up playing games with a group of about 15 children (some pictured to the left). They always get excited and gather when they see me…always say, “BYE MUZUNGU!” in their little, sweet voices (and I always wonder, why say goodbye before we’ve said hello?). Anyways, yesterday I decided to teach them “duck, duck, goose”. Although, since I don’t know those words in Luganda, I made it “chicken, chicken, goat” or “nkoko, nkoko, mbuzi”. And they loved it! I don’t know when or who decided that I would always be the goat, but they wore me out. It was a really great hour and then I was off to take some pictures of Lyantonde. A very relaxing day. Three and half days left in this town that’s become home before I head to Jinja and the Nile for my last four days in Uganda…will be hard to leave, but will be so easy to hug all my loved ones once I get home!

Some pictures

2008-06-10T01:24:00.000-07:00

Delivering clothes to children in the field...

Below, some pictures from Lyantonde Monday morning after "Chicken, Chicken, Goat"...

Two weeks to go and the roller coaster begins...

2008-06-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

(My Favorite Tree)

Just two weeks left here in Uganda and I feel like I just got into the front seat of a roller coaster of emotions: sad to leave Uganda, so excited to see my family and friends back home, and anxious/nervous about what is going to come next because I have no idea! I think that most, if not all, of the people reading this know me well enough to know that I wear my heart of my sleeve. You know how deeply I plunge into life’s experiences and how much I genuinely value the different moments that trickle onto my path. This time in Uganda has been so incredibly wonderful and life changing…and it came at such a crucial moment in my life. At a time when I was feeling completely lost and as though I was no longer living my life, but that it was living me. So I decided to drop everything…quit my job, sell lots of my things, leave my beloved rented house in DC (yard and all!); say goodbye to my family and friends and take an adventure into the unknown. And believe me, as lost and unhappy as I was in my life…making the decision to leave it all behind for this unknown was still really scary. Three months later, I still understand that presence of fear, but am so grateful that I had the courage to face it because as one of my favorite poems says, “I took the [road] less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

I have no idea where I’d be if I had not stopped in my tracks and come to Uganda…but thankfully, that is something I don’t have to wonder about. I am here and I am a better and stronger person because of it. I have taken the opportunity to look inward and grow as an individual. I have weathered hard weeks of adjustment to get to a place emotionally and mentally where I could fully appreciate this experience. I have met beautiful, amazing, strong willed people who I know will never stop fighting for themselves and the people around them. I have read a lot of books; written a lot of words; taken a lot of photographs; practiced a lot of capoeira; gone on many quiet jogs; and just spent a lot of time with myself finding a beautiful peace and calm in my soul. I have been more adventurous and independent than I can ever remember being…being addicted to the Nile River is one of the only addictions I’ll ever try to hold onto…
…I just spent yet another weekend on the shores of the mighty Nile. I am sure by now it sounds like a broken record…but I just couldn’t help myself! It’s so hard for me to put into words the way I feel when I’m floating down that river or tackling its Grade 3-5 rapids. There are moments of peace and calm and moments of pure adrenaline, adventure and excitement; and all the while, you feel lucky to be surrounded by such natural, untouched beauty. It’s hard to be anything but sincerely happy! And this was the only time that I got to go with a few friends. Usually I just make friends with the people on my raft, but some of the girls I met last time I was in town were going one last time before heading home this week…so it was a great excuse for me to go back to see them and enjoy the river together (Team Zappa photo above at end of day). Because Jaime always rafts with Charlie, otherwise known as Prince of the Nile (pictured to the right), we got to raft with him on Saturday and it could not have been a better, more perfect run (definitely a tie with the first time for my favorite trip down the river)! Charlie was awesome! He was more than happy to take us down the hardest lines and we even did one rapid that none of the other boats did which ended up being one of the best of the day…Chop Suey. We had great runs on all of my favorite rapids…no falling out too early, no not flipping when we wanted to flip, not one disappointment…it really was just a perfectly awesome and fun day!

That night we celebrated and partied hard. It was a really fun night and I even ended up at the club at the end of the night dancing up a storm. Sunday I was feeling a bit rough, but ended up spending the day with a few friends lying on the rocks of the river next to one of the rapids…50/50. We swam, climbed a big tree and jumped into the river a few times (something I was really proud of because I was never a good tree climber and it was a pretty high jump…maybe 30 feet), drank some beers, sang some songs, just relaxed. It was such a great afternoon because it was so unexpected and unplanned…it just kind of happened. I also met the cutest little boy when I was getting my chapati omelette (MMMM!), Ibra, who became my buddy. Love him!

I had to say goodbye to the girls on Monday morning. I’m definitely bummed they won’t be there when I go back for my last two days in Uganda; but am just glad we got to spend some time together. It was nice to have some girlfriends again! My trip back to Lyantonde was quite long and a bit frustrating at times, but I made it! I wanted to pick up a bale of clothes in Kampala to bring back with me to deliver to some families in the field but had to go to SIX banks before I found a machine that was both working AND had money in it! UGH. And it was a rainy day, so the dirt streets were just a muddy mess…but I’ve gotten over worrying about having clean feet in this country. I just roll my pants up and do my best to stay balanced; I’m still convinced I’m going to fall on my ass one of these days! Anyways, we finally managed to get the money from the bank and get the bale of clothes to the bus (which will clothe about 100 people). Just picture me riding on the back of a motor bike with a suitcase on my lap weaving through the heaviest traffic you can imagine (African style, re: bikes, motorbikes, people, mini-bus taxis, cars, delivery trucks and more all jammed onto one narrow, crappy, full of potholes, muddy, puddle filled city road). Like I said, it was a long day!

So this week and next we will be delivering clothes and goats to several families thanks to the donations of family and friends. Mom and dad, Aunt Peggy, Uncle Bob and Aunt Donna, Beth, Petrina, Jose Raphael, Frank, Mrs. Cantlin, Jill and Dave…THANK YOU. These 12 people from the states, Australia and Ecuador have contributed a total amount of $2000 US!!! Amazing. Donations from $5 US to $1000 AUS and several in between…I cannot thank you all enough for your generosity. I plan to hand deliver a lot of the clothes and goats so that I can personally meet the families, takes some photos and write their stories. That way you can all know what your donation means to the people who receive something from it. I haven’t had a chance to go into the field for over a month now, so I am really glad that I have the opportunity to see the hope and happiness in their faces again before I leave this organization. So again…thank you!

I'm back from 3 weeks travelling in Uganda and Kenya

2008-05-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

Ok…so, I know I’ve been gone for a while…sorry! I tried to post an entry a few weeks ago, but my internet connection was giving me trouble and then I was off traveling til today. Here’s the low down on what you’ve missed:

May 3-7: in Kampala relaxing, buying new camera, clubbing at Ange Noir (the most infamous nightclub in Uganda), meeting new friends. I had so much fun dancing at the club from 2-5 am that at one point when I was going down really low busting my moves I felt a pop in the side of my knee which bothered me for a week or two and still hurts every once and a while! Also, on the way to the car that night I actually fell into a MAN hole! I mean, this country is full of potholes and crappy roads…but this was an actual hole in the road right beside the car that I had no chance in seeing in the dark. I stepped right into it with my left leg (or was it my right?) and hit my knee on the inside of the road. My friends were worried I hurt myself, but I just laughed as they retrieved my shoe…only in Africa!

May 7-9: Murchison Falls National Park; a gorgeous park full of giraffes, water buffalo, warthogs, birds, elephants, baboons, etc. We did a driving game safari one morning, then a boat ride to the falls that afternoon and a walk to the top of the falls the next morning. This is where the entire Nile River has to find its way through a small space. The power is amazing. The falls are gorgeous with a rainbow up top and crocodiles and hippos downstream below.

May 9-11: back to Kampala for two nights; Akon concert, too much partying with new friends and then back to Ange Noir with Wycliffe and Vincent again…but this time I was too tired to be such a crazy dancer and no man holes!

May 11-19: JINJA, my favorite place in Uganda (other than my little town)…the town at the source of the Nile. I went rafting twice (I couldn’t help myself!), relaxed by the river, had a bad case of food poisoning that we thought might be malaria (my skin was super hot but I was freezing, my back and head hurt, everything hurt except my stomach actually!) so had to go to the clinic to get that sorted out; must have created the record for most sober nights at the notoriously party central campsite (I only got drunk my last night…you should all be proud!); met some more great people (Ugandan raft/kayak guides and Western volunteers/students/workers) who kept me company; did my best to ignore all the drama that the boys like to create…which I find interesting since at home boys stay as far away from drama as they can!

And, probably most importantly…I spent several mornings (except when sick) at an amazing orphanage for children under 6 called Welcome Home. I’d always spend about 30 minutes in the baby room…there are about 7 under the age of 1 that you can just hold, feed and love and feel close to you. From 10:00-12:30 I’d be with the older children and we would just play or I’d sing to them and they’d ask for more songs; or they’d ask me to read from their children’s bible; or we’d swing or dance or whatever. Then lunch time was always my favorite because you start with the 25 or so 1-3 year olds in chairs on the floor, each adult trying to feed 2 or 3 babies. Some crying, some not interested in the food, some happy as can be. Then take them to their room to be washed, changed and put to bed. Then we’d serve the 25 or so 3-6 year olds and most would manage on their own, some would get distracted or want to just play, so you just help them along and then they get washed and put to bed. They’d all call me “Mami” and pull me in different directions and shoot me smiles and laughs and my heart just DANCED when I was there. The absolute best part of my day, drama free, just peace and beauty and life. It’s so easy to love those children…and I accidentally fell in love with two of them. I mean I adore and love and see so many of the faces floating around my thoughts…but Veronica and Joel were my special little ones that I will carry with me always. Veronica has an infectiously gorgeous, innocent, pure smile that she’d flash at me anytime I looked her way. And little, sweet, shy Joel. I loved seeing the smile on his face after I’d give him some kisses…his little lips would just slowly turn up and you could see his happiness. He’s 14 months old but still in the baby room because he’s soooo small (probably smaller than my nephew when he was born!). Although now at Welcome Home he has enough food to get strong and grow, that wasn’t the case before and the malnutrition he is still recovering from keeps him with the little ones. He’s just too fragile to head to the group of aggressive, excited, playful toddlers. But soon enough I know he’ll be running around with all of them! I’m going to have to try to get back to see them…

May 19-25: trip to Kenya. Started with a bus ride from HELL, 12 hours of crappy roads…4 of which were so bad that I was literally flying out of my seat and just exhausted from trying to brace myself from all the falls back down. I met up with a friend from DC, Valerie (a taste of home!), in Nairobi; had one day there which I just spent running some errands, then we flew to the coast to enjoy the beach. Well, we were hoping to enjoy the beach…but the beach boys made that difficult because you just can’t relax when they’re walking with you everywhere you go! I only got to lay on the beautiful white, soft sand once. We did take a few of the boys up on their offer to sail out on one of their handmade boats to the reef to snorkel and that was great! But Friday it poured all day and then Saturday was nice from about 11 am on, but we had to head to the airport at 4. So…it wasn’t all that we had hoped for, but it was an interesting experience in a gorgeous location!

May 25: night bus back to Uganda…not as bad as before, maybe this driver didn’t accelerate as much through the potholes as the other guy! But we were passing by Jinja and it was a gorgeous day and I just couldn’t NOT stop…so I got off and spent Sunday relaxing with a few friends at the campsite by the river. It was VERY tempting to stay…but I can’t keep feeding the addiction, so I stayed strong and got on the 5:30 shuttle to Kampala. We were 20 km from town and hit a major (traffic) jam because of flooding in the road from the rain on Saturday. We were forced to turn around and interestingly enough, I almost ended up back in Jinja anyways! Jinja. But we took a “diversion” road and our 2 hour trip turned into 5. Ugh. I was sick of buses!

May 26: after one short night’s rest, I repacked my things for the I felt like that was the world’s way of saying I should have stayed in Jinja if I wanted to stay in gazillionith time in 3 weeks and got on yet ANOTHER bus…this time heading home to Lyantonde. The trip sometimes takes 5 hours, but today it was only 3. So I got into town just in time for my favorite food, Luombo (groundnut soup with roasted meat), matooke and yummy rice; I headed straight there and then home. The peace and quiet here is so welcome after 3 weeks of non-stop moving around and chaos. It’s such a simple truck stop of a town with little to do…but sometimes that is JUST what we need! At least until the river calls me back again…

Filing My First Police Report...

2008-05-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

After another fabulous weekend spent staying about the Nile River and kayaking through the rapids...I had my first negative Ugandan (although it could have happened anywhere) experience on Monday: my Nikon D-40 camera (with 130 pictures from the river, the camp party that night and kampala) was stolen from my bag during the bus ride from Kampala to Lyantonde. I was devastated when I realized it. My heart literally sank. That was the one thing that I did not want to lose…ever. It was my baby. It was the only REAL gift I’d ever given myself (well, besides my travelling adventures). And here in Uganda, it has been my life, my heart. I have captured so many faces and places and animals and sunsets and moments. The pictures were my way of documenting this experience. I’ve absolutely LOVED working on my photography in this gorgeous environment, with all of the amazing people I have met and places I’ve seen. I have almost 1500 pictures already and I had so many plans and hopes for the photos that I was going to take over the next two months. But the world gathered a bunch of random coincidences together yesterday and at the end of a long bus journey, my camera was gone.

(You can skip this next paragraph if you don’t want to hear the story of how it happened)…
It had been a torturous, hot, sweaty hour sitting on the bus before it finally departed the bus park in Uganda’s capital. And then another 30 minutes sitting at a gas station for some kind of maintenance. Then, a cold 3 hours later we were about 20 minutes from Lyantonde when we came to a truck that had hit a pothole the wrong way and was stuck blocking the entire road. Our big passenger bus decided to proceed through the hills and rural side roads to by-pass the accident. Unfortunately, the very steep and unpaved first hill was too much for the weight of our bus so we were asked to get out and walk up the hill. I left my locked, although not completely secure, backpack on the bus since it’d only be a few minutes (it was only about 20 yards to the top from where were) and everyone was getting off empty handed. However, rather than waiting for us at the top of that hill, the bus continued for what ended up being about 2 or 3 kilometers. So when I finally reached the bus 30 minutes later on the main road, I noticed my bag had been moved, but it was still locked and I felt certain no one could get anything out of it. When we started driving away without the two gentlemen that had been seated beside me, I spoke up to the people around me and tried to get the conductor’s attention because I worried we were leaving them behind and maybe they had bags on the bus; they all said not to worry about it. But about 10 minutes later when I realized how strange it was that the 2 men were no longer on the bus, I decided to investigate my bag closer. And that’s when my heart sank. They had been able to open the bag enough to reach in, unzip my camera bag and take out my gorgeous, precious, beloved Nikon. The same man that had slept on my shoulder and breathed on me; the same man for whom I worried we were leaving behind with his things on the bus…had taken the camera that has captured so much of my Uganda. I immediately called to the conductor and started spitting out emotional words expressing how important it was to me and that the men had taken it! Had anyone seen this happen? Why wasn’t anyone watching our bags as we hiked through the hills??? The bus wouldn’t stop of course; they insisted there was nothing we could do now…it was too late. Upon arriving in Lyantonde just minutes later, a crowd of boda boda drivers (motorbike/motorcycle taxis) listened sympathetically to me and the conductor talk. Peter, my regular boda driver (such a sweetheart!), came to the front of the group and asked what happened and when I started to tell the story, the tears came. If we hadn’t come to that random truck in the middle of the road…those men would never have had a moment to even look in my bag. Sometimes the world works for us…sometimes, it works against us; but it’s all part of the universe and we learn from it. I wrote my statement on some random piece of paper that was then filed with thousands of other pieces of paper on a dresser in one of the small round offices of Lyantonde's Police "Station". I don't expect to see my camera again, but there's no harm in trying!

I consciously decided on Monday afternoon that I would only allow myself to be angry and upset about it that day. I don’t know if I was/am inspired by Liz Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love and her time in India (the part I just finished reading on that same bus ride)…but after the initial shock wore off, I knew that I wanted to center all of my energy on positive thoughts after a night’s rest (albeit a night of tossing and turning and a 4 am phone call home because I couldn’t sleep!). Yes, something very important and special to me (and my time here) was wrongfully taken from me, but life will go on. The pictures that I lost with the camera were memories that no one can ever take from me. I don’t have any pictures from my first weekend on the river, but that doesn’t take away from how truly amazing it was! And as I sit here and listen to No One, by Alicia Keys (I love you so much, Meam, for putting that on one of the mixes!)…I smile as I hear words from her love song that remind me exactly why I had to purge my soul of the angry, bitter, upset feelings I initially felt…she’s singing “no one can get in the way of what I’m feeling…” And she is so right! No one can take away the happiness that being in Uganda has given me. No one can take the calmness out of my spirit. No one can steal the peace that I have found in my soul. I won’t let them.

I know I’ve talked a lot about happiness recently; but since I don’t have many field stories to share…this is what is on my mind. This is what I’m constantly thinking and feeling. This is my life right now. I am in one of the world’s poorer countries and I am having truly one of the richest experiences of my life. I’m seeing the world through the eyes of an innocent child discovering everything for the first time. Not fully understanding all around me; not able to communicate well, although doing my best to learn some of the language. Learning the food, the music, the way of life; meeting lots of new people, seeing a lot of new and peculiar things. Each day completely full of curiosity about the world I have found myself in. Just like a baby discovering the world around him or her. It’s amazing to have the opportunity to see the world through such eyes of innocence. It’s beautiful. It’s life changing.

Before I got to Uganda, I was feeling really lost and stressed and overwhelmed. I couldn’t see myself anymore; It was hard for me to feel/find real happiness. And now I’ve found myself and my happiness again and don’t plan to allow anyone to take it away so easily. They may have my camera, but that’s all they can have. I will buy a new, less fancy camera this weekend; but the beauty, peace, calm, love and happiness that I feel daily in my heart and soul…you can’t find that in any corner store!

Kayaking Grade 5 Rapids on the Nile!

2008-05-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

So, I really wanted to tell you about last weekend: I went back to the Nile River (and Nile River Explorers!), but this time I faced the Grade 1-5 rapids in a tandem kayak. It was amazing! Pretty hardcore; very fun; and, of course…gorgeous. We rolled in 3 of the rapids, although I was bad at that part and always got a bit disoriented. The first time I stayed under a bit too long and I was actually under the water thinking to myself, “I can’t breathe, I’m kind of drowning” but it never dawned on me to just release my skirt and get out. It was so peaceful; I felt safe; I wasn’t scared at all. When the boat and I surfaced for a second (my tandem guy, Charlie, had already released himself at this point…smart guy that he is!), I was surrounded by safety kayakers screaming, “YOU HAVE TO RELEASE…YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THERE!” It was really cute! When I finally got myself out of the boat and crazy waves and was holding on to the safety kayak (Hassan was assigned to our tandem kayak and saved me three times!) to get back to mine, I couldn’t stop laughing…it was great. Just like last time, I really loved being rescued by the safety kayakers. They are like you’re knight in shining armor riding a white horse, but in this case they are riding a kayak and wearing life vests and helmets! When you see them coming to get you out of the waves and rapids, you can’t help but smile.
The next two times we went under I prematurely released myself (smile) because I was nervous from that first time! Even though we were known as the “swim team” because we rolled and released so many times, I spent the day laughing (Charlie’s laugh is infectious), talking about life in Uganda and different events in our lives and enjoying the beautiful scenery. It was truly another amazing and special day.
Later that night I partied pretty hard, making up for the quiet of my life in Lyantonde I guess! Charlie and Alex (my rafting guide from the first trip) both hung out and several other Ugandans with me and my two new friends from the day, Emily and Alistair, an engaged couple from Tasmania, Australia. We even got the beer funnel/bong out (the pictures were lost with the camera)…which took me straight back to my college years! Sunday I nursed my hangover with 2 chapati omelettes from the Bujagali Chapati guy…mmmm…seriously amazing food and then several hours relaxing at one of the pools in town (with a beer and sprite cocktail of course!). It was another great weekend at the source of the Nile. Something about that area…something about it pulls me back. The happy/fun Ugandan kayakers and rafters; all the adventurous travelers; the Nile River; the scenery; the crazy bar scene at night, the chapati omelettes (!). Something about it is so peaceful, relaxing and fun that I can’t help but end up back there again soon!

I have DVDs of both the rafting and the kayaking to show when I get home!

Your chance to donate is now!!!

2008-04-21T02:47:00.000-07:00

We are currently in a situation at RACOBAO in which we are waiting for some big donations to come through…but they involve a lot of paperwork, a lot of meetings and a lot of waiting…and it will probably be June before the money is available for projects. So, I thought this would be a great time to remind my friends and family that you can help too! I know I mentioned in my mass email when I first arrived that you can donate to RACOBAO by wiring them money. But I also know that wiring money is not something we all do very often and don’t feel comfortable doing. SO, I have come up with a plan that I hope you like: if you can send your donations to my parents in their names, they will put the money in the bank for me and I will directly withdraw it from the bank here. That way, there is no waiting, no paperwork, no bank hassle. My parents deposit your money into the bank in the U.S. and I take that same amount out here in Ugandan shillings. We will send a receipt via fax, mail or hand delivery (me this summer in DC or Pittsburgh) and will let you know what your money helped us to do. Please let us know if you prefer the receipt and mini-report faxed, mailed or hand delivered.

There are so many projects that we are doing and some that are being put on hold…so any amount, from as low as $5 (2 second hand shirts) to as high as you want to donate can be utilized to help someone here. You can specify how you would like your money used or you can let us use it where we need it the most. Here are some examples of what we do with donations:

· School supplies (book bags, pens/pencils, geometry sets, notebooks): $30/student
· School uniform: $30/student
· Secondary school fees: $150/one term for one student
· Vocational center school fees: $200/one term for one student
· A bale of second-hand clothes for children and parents: $350/about 100 people (Smaller donations work too as I can go and pick up just a few pieces!)
· Pregnant Goat (Give me a Goat, Give me a Chance Project): $100
· New House: $1500
· Water Tank: $720
· Kitchen: $735
· Latrine: $735
· House/tank/kitchen/latrine: $3700
· Family Sufficient Kit (bed, mattress, blanket, mosquito net, cup, plate, knife, basin, jerrican [used to fetch water]): $100/one person
· Treated mosquito net: $11
· Blanket: $18
· Bicycle (gives people living with AIDS transportation to get their treatment; is income generating for child headed households because it gives them a way to get goods to/from market to sell; etc): $89
· Set of drums (for theatre/music performance by Drama Club which sings and performs skits all around the community about HIV/AIDS, getting tested, getting treatment and living healthy lives): $235
· Soccer ball or volleyball: $35

In my 6 weeks here, I have seen families before they have a new home (above top) and when their new home is in the middle of construction (above bottom, still in front of old home, but look at the smiles on the dad and older boy, the life in their eyes...I wrote about this widower a few weeks ago; i can't tell you how it warmed my heart to see him laughing and smiling with his baby!!!). I wish you could see how big their smiles were and how much those smiles came from deep down inside just from seeing that house going up; it really gives them such HOPE! The kitchen, the latrine, the water tank, the family sufficient kits…they all provide a much more hygienic and sanitary lifestyle for families who would otherwise not have a chance to have that. I have heard stories about how the goats (one of the most successful projects) have provided a sense of calm just in knowing that they are there and can be sold in an instant if there is an emergency in the family or if the person living with AIDS needs treatment, etc. And goats produce fast, so some families given one or two goats now have 10 or 12! It becomes a sustainable source of income and security for the family. I just met all of the students we sponsor in the secondary schools at a workshop this past Saturday and they are such bright children who without our financial help, would not have a chance to go to school. I work with the children coming to our vocational center and know how grateful they are to have the opportunity to learn a skill that will help provide an income for their families in the future and just to attend school and learn in general (they are begging me for an English exam!!!). I have seen children in the field wearing t-shirts much too big for them, completely filthy with no other shirt available to change into and in many cases, no shorts/skirts to wear either. And I have watched the Drama Club perform in front of almost 100 people and heard how beautifully they sing. Many of the people in the club have HIV/AIDS, some have been affected by the disease in other ways… and all of them are providing an amazing service by educating their neighbors. All of these things, big and small, make such profound differences in the lives of the people we are helping.

Please help us continue our work…no matter what the size of your donation, it won’t compare with what I will see in the people when they receive what is on the other side of that donation: the gratitude, the new hope and the big smiles on their faces and in their eyes are all truly priceless.

Please send donations to:
Bonnie Varley
204 Old Farm Trail
Pittsburgh, PA 15238
**Be sure to write any checks out in her name and to specify how you would like the money used if you have a preference.**

If you’d like to email me (mvarley_03@hotmail.com) and let me know about your donation, I can try to put it into action even before my parents receive the check!

THANK YOU!!! From me, from RACOBAO, from all of the people in the field…THANK YOU!

The Best Day of My Life

2008-04-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

April 12, 2008: Truly the best, most happiest (yes, most happiest) day of my entire life. I have no idea how to even begin to tell you about rafting on the Nile this past Saturday. You know how sometimes the world really just comes together in such a perfectly random and unexpected, unplanned way and creates a perfect experience? Well, that was Saturday. I started the day alone on a one hour shuttle ride from Kampala to Jinja (where the source of the Nile is), had breakfast with a room full of strangers and then by chance, got on the smaller of the two trucks loading all of the rafters in the back to take us to where we'd start our day of rafting...all complements of Nile River Explorers, probably the best rafting company in the world! The group in the back of my truck consisted of me and about 9 American college students who were on a program together in Uganda, but had been separated for several weeks and had come together for this little mini reunion. So they were all so excited to see each other, but also joining me in their conversation. And honestly, no offense to American college students (I used to be one!), but this group was SO FAR from being like so many I have met before. They were not obnoxious and immature but fun and adventurous and they adopted me into their group which is part of the reason I had such an amazing day and for which I was so grateful!

We got to the river and split our group into two groups of 5, were joined by 2 other random travelers and only by the luck of the world walked onto a raft with the most amazing raft guide of the day...Alex, although it took us forever to get his real name out of him! His nickname is Muzungu (white person), but we thought he was just kidding around with us until the guys at the bar were calling him that later...and I think it may actually be his last name...but we may never know:)!

We all agreed before we got on the water that we wanted to go HARD. All the way! We didn’t want to take any short cuts or easy routes, we wanted to go through the hardest waves and rapids. So we let Alex know (I think he was more than happy to oblige) and our quick 30 minute training started. I was SOOOOO nervous, he actually laughed at me because I looked so scared…but it was AMAZING. On the first rapid, a grade 4 or 5, when he yelled, “back paddle, back paddle” we all paddled like we had never paddled before…I mean, I thought this was SERIOUS. A matter of emergency. After we were back in the boat recovering from our first flip, Alex laughed as he told us that we had made ourselves flip over because of that back paddling! We loved him for that.

And so the day went. It was amazing. TRULY. I’m so excited thinking about it that I can’t figure out how to write about it. Luckily, I bought the DVD and will be able to show anyone who lets me pop it in for them once I’m home! I plan to go back in a few weeks and will even try to go again in June before I head home. Just everything about that day, from the group that adopted me, to Alex, to the rafting on the Nile freakin’ River, to the periods where we were just floating and swimming and enjoying the day and the gorgeous scenery (the clouds here are gorgeous), to me being the Flying Squirrel on the second to last rapid (something I can’t figure out how to explain in words on paper, but I can try in person or you can see it a few times on the DVD)…it was all part of what was the very best and happiest day of my life. The universe really came together and made that day nothing short of perfect.

On the bus ride back to the Nile River Explorers campsite (where we would enjoy a BBQ, some Nile Special beers and celebrate into the night), we were all on such an adrenaline high, still shocked and amazed by the day we had just experienced…truly intoxicated by life. I know I just wrote about drunk happiness last post, but the intoxication I felt on Saturday afternoon was about a million times as intense as after my jog when I discovered a piece of heaven. It seems that heaven, and whatever that means for each of us, is really all around us and it just keeps getting better if you take the time to open up your soul to its power.

To Alex, my raft group, the safety kayakers, NRE in general and anyone else that was a part of that day…THANK YOU! To all of you that couldn't be there, I probably thought of you at least once and wished you could have been…so you were with me in spirit!

"I'm in heaven...."

2008-04-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

I wish I could really describe and explain to all of you reading my blog how amazing this experience is. Although I was surprised by the month long adjustment period and the difficulty I had, that time has made me appreciate being here so much more. Like Taoism and the yin and the yang, which create unity in opposites…in everything in life, you have to have the bad, to appreciate, understand and learn from the good and vice versa. Having survived the loneliness and isolation, I am now able to soak up the beauty of every moment and am extremely grateful that I am here.

Not only are the people I am working with and meeting inspiring and amazing and helping me to open my eyes and gain new perspective on life and the world we live in; but the land here, the environment in which I am living…it is indescribably beautiful. I went on a jog on Friday afternoon to this big stone at the top of one of the hills here; my friend suggested this route after I mentioned to him that running on the road attracted a lot of curious stares. Not only am I a white girl in the middle or rural Africa, but I am wearing shorts and out for an afternoon jog…all things that are not a normal part of daily life here! As I found my way up to the huge stone, I realized I was about to have an unbelievable view: the sun was slowly starting to set and I could see all around me for miles and miles and miles. I could see the endless rolling hills of Uganda and all that they contain; I could see the whole world. I had seriously found a piece of heaven not even ¼ mile from where I’ve been living for 5 weeks. I wanted to shout as loud as possible, I wanted to cry, and I wanted to jump with happiness. I was surrounded by untouched land and it was gorgeous.

Normally, I really do not enjoy running; I just do it because I know it’s good for me and, especially if it’s a nice day, it usually relaxes me. But even when I jog in the park at home, I am counting the minutes til I am done. Here, I feel as though I could jog forever; I never feel tired afterwards; but re-energized and with a new sense of calm. After my jog Friday, I swear I was drunk with happiness. It was the most intoxicating feeling. I just felt so HAPPY and so very grateful. Happy to be here. Grateful that I have the chance to live this experience. Happy and grateful for all that is “Marci’s Uganda”.

A few hours later as I walked to town to meet some friends, I looked up at the sky and marveled at the thousands of stars above. Because there are no street lights, you can really see THOUSANDS of stars and it just made the feeling of drunk happiness that was still dominating my soul stronger. I tried to explain to my friends how I was feeling…I’m not sure how successful I was, but I think the childish grin that was spread from ear to ear on my face may have helped.

I spent Saturday with some of the same friends at Lake Mburo National Park only 30 km from Lyantonde. It was such a treat to see so many zebras, hippos, impalas, eagles, storks, warthogs (okay, that was not a treat) and more all in their natural habitat. It was an awesome day and a perfect extension of the positive energy from the day before. On the nature walk we were lucky to come within 20 yards of 2 grazing hippos (a rarity at that time of day) and then on our boat trip we saw one of the rarest birds in the world. Although the warthogs were uglier than ugly, the zebras looked like they had been painted into the scenery; I never could have imagined that they could be THAT beautiful in person. And on our way out of the park, we saw the national bird of Uganda, the crested crane (above right)…a perfect way to end our adventure.

I remember in my first weeks I felt as though the 3 ½ months I was supposed to be here would not pass fast enough. I was determined to lend a helping hand with RACOBAO, but I looked forward to my return home daily. I missed my family and friends and I longed for the life I had left behind…well parts of it! But now, as I soak up and truly appreciate the culture, the environment, the beauty and the stories, I find myself thinking that time here could never be long enough. For the first time in a very long time, I feel stress-free. All of those moments from the last years of feeling overwhelmed with my work and my life are gone. My spirit has found a sense of calm; my soul is at peace; and I am truly happy and grateful for this moment in my life. If I could reach through this screen to each of you and give you a piece of this love and calm, I would. But in its place, I hope you each try to find your own moment of drunk happiness. If not today or tomorrow, then sometime very soon…just look out for it, because it will find you in the simplest of simplicity and the calmest of calm. My thoughts, energy and love are with you all.

An important moment in the field...

2008-03-31T10:47:00.000-07:00

Last week was a bit of a roller coaster for me. My feelings of loneliness and solitude that had been building for weeks finally peaked early in the week, but I reached out to some family and friends via email and received many wonderful words of encouragement and support. I also decided to take matters into my own hands and organized a game night with my colleagues. I was so happy that 8 people showed up at the local bar/restaurant Thursday night to play some dice (a game I’ve always played with my family on vacation). Friday I was invited to join two of my colleagues/friends for a night on the town. Lyantonde is a quiet place, but they showed me a few of their favorite spots and it was such an improvement on my normal Friday night alone! Whatever happened last week between the ups and the downs, I finally feel completely adjusted to my new life and fully immersed in the culture. I also had an important moment in the field on Thursday, one that truly opened my eyes to what I am a part of here and what I’d like to be a part of for a long time.

Some colleagues and I spent the day driving around the sub counties to do different things. First, we went to see the progress made on a few of the homes being built and I was pleasantly surprised to see that two of the families I had met just a few weeks ago already had new structures up on their property! The houses are still not complete, but they are complete enough for the families to live in them if they want. I could seriously feel a change in the air; the moods were different, they were lighter. Just being able to see that a house was being built for them, you could see that that was already changing their lives.
We also caught the end of a sanitation/hygiene training that was taking place for people living with AIDS (PLWAs) and the heads of child-headed households (CHHs). There were two girls in the back of the room that couldn’t have been more than 13 years old (above middle). They kept looking over at me with shy smiles. My colleague got them some notebooks and pens so they would pay attention and take some notes. She confirmed that they are orphans taking care of their younger siblings. These girls are so sweet and innocent, yet they have so much responsibility and so much tragedy already in their young lives. I looked at them in admiration of their courage and bravery.
I also noticed a woman breastfeeding her baby and seemingly pregnant with another. Her baby was so sweet, probably about a year old and obviously not thrilled to be stuck in this training with her mother! I kept looking at the baby and finally took her picture (above left). As I sat there watching her fidget and play, I thought…”if this woman has AIDS and she is breastfeeding her baby, her baby must be sick too.” I couldn’t get this thought out of my head. At the end of the training I asked one of my colleagues about the breastfeeding and the pregnancies. “Do these women know that if they have this disease and are breastfeeding, there is a very good chance that they are giving their children a fatal disease?” He said yes. “But do they UNDERSTAND? Because I’m not yet a mother, but I know that when I am I will never do anything that could harm my child. Do they really understand? Or do they just not care?” He said that they must understand because everyone knows that HIV/AIDS kills, so they must not care. I truly could not believe what he was telling me. As we talked, two women came out of the center, one with such a gaunt, sickly face. He told me they are both pregnant.
Our conversation continued for a few minutes as I tried my best to hold back my tears. How could this be? Why would these women bring children into this world who will suffer their entire lives from this disease? Why would they breastfeed their babies? Have they gotten them tested? Apparently, for the most part, the babies are not tested because the parents would rather not know. If they find out the children have AIDS they won’t be able to go on; they won’t be able to care for them knowing they have this incurable disease; they would be devastated if it was confirmed that they had passed on this tragic fate. There are three ways in which women living with HIV/AIDS can pass the disease on to their little ones: during pregnancy if she gets an infection on the placenta, during childbirth if the labor is not done in the care of a specifically trained physician or hospital (rare, in these rural cases) there is a good chance her blood will be transferred to the newborn, and by breastfeeding she increases the possibility even more. I understand that the lack of education and the increased poverty level of the people we’re working with are to blame for the fact that women continue to breastfeed, but it is still unbelievable. So many risks, so many chances to pass on this illness and the women are still having babies (because in many cases their husbands threaten to go elsewhere for sex if they don’t provide it and usually refuse to use condoms) and they are still breastfeeding. As all of these thoughts rushed in my head, I couldn’t hold in the tears any longer and I politely cut off my colleague as I walked away crying my first tears in the field. All of the children I have met since I arrived were flashing through my head. I had finally allowed myself to realize that some of them, although so innocent and unknowing, must have this terrible disease too. That moment gave me a new motivation and new determination…a new understanding…

…there are so many people in the world that need help for so many different reasons: war, poverty, disease, the list goes on. It seems an impossible task to help them all; and even in this small region in little Uganda it seems to be an unattainable goal to help all those suffering from or affected by the HIV/AIDS pandemic. But, my colleagues continue to fight, continue to try, and continue to lend helping hands. We stopped by so I could take pictures of one last family: a recent widower of AIDS, living with the disease (not yet on medication) and his four young boys (one pictured above right). There is a chance that the youngest, not yet walking, has the disease himself and an even greater chance that the boys will all be orphans taking care of themselves in the years to come. It is so true when people say you can see a person’s soul through their eyes…I could see all of theirs. I look forward to visiting this family again before I leave, once their new home is constructed, and to seeing a brighter, more hopeful future in their eyes.

Uncle Bob, I figured out how I can help save the world…I need to help save the children. We must save the children. We must mold and build their futures. We must give them an education and give them a chance. We must be their voices. If we do this, I believe we will be saving all of our tomorrows.

A Ugandan clown car...

2008-03-25T16:40:00.000-07:00

I have a funny story today that I hope you enjoy! I took out a big chunk of detail because I was afraid I’d be accused of “using too many words” :) …but if I ever write my book, it’ll all be there or if you’re curious I can send it your way. Believe me, living the story wasn’t THAT enjoyable (although I’m getting a laugh as I write about it), but in the end it was very Ugandan and very much worth it (I stayed in a very peaceful, gorgeous and relaxing location; had a great hike to the “top of the world” [first pic above, storm coming over the forest], and ran into some baboons on my guided tour of the swamp and then again on my motorbike ride back to the guesthouse…there were about 30 or 40 just hanging out along the road!).

Last Wednesday I decided to plan a very last minute weekend trip after learning that all of my colleagues were going to be going home Thursday afternoon until Monday night due to the Easter holiday. It gets lonely enough on a regular weekend in my quiet town, so I looked at the map and decided that Kibale National Park would be a perfect destination: not too far, I guessed it would take about 4-6 hours, and it had been recommended by a friend in DC who had recently been there and also suggested a place to stay.

Friday, March 21
9:30 AM: Depart Lyantonde for Mbarara

10:30 AM: Arrive Mbarara to catch bus to Bigodi / Chimpanzee Guest House
1:00 PM: Depart Mbarara for Bigodi
4:00 PM: Arrive small, random town and am told to get on a different bus that will take me to Bigodi
5:30 PM: Arrive small, random town and am told to get into car that will take me to Bigodi

Really? You’re sure? What choice did I have? I got into the car and expected we would leave soon enough since there were already 3 others in the car. Two women approached a few moments later with a baby, one got in front to make 3 adults and a baby and one got in back to make four of us. It was a squeeze, but I thought…I’m almost there!

We pulled out but within minutes the driver stopped for 2 more women. I was shocked. WHERE were these women going to sit? I was already squeezed between the car door and the woman beside me and out of all the women in the car, I was the second smallest, even with my big hips! By the time we pulled away, there were 4 adults in front with a baby and 5 of us big hipped women in back. For the next hour my ass was not even on the seat, but instead wedged between the door and the woman next to me. My left butt cheek and leg were on the arm rest of the door, my right outer thigh anchored to the woman’s leg beside me, my right foot/leg holding as much weight as possible, my head and neck tilted to the right since I was sitting too high to sit up straight, both hands holding the arm handle above the door attempting to hold the weight that my leg couldn’t hold. Every time I thought we would be letting someone out and I would have some relief from this discomfort, someone else would be squeezed in. At one point there were 4 adults in front with 2 babies and 5 of us in the back with one toddler!!! Somehow, I eventually managed to get my right elbow between all the bags on the window sill behind me so that I could hold my tilted head up and provide some relief for my neck. Now, my boobs were cradling the left shoulder of the woman beside me and, in the confusion of this entire crazy situation, she mistook my crotch for the arm rest that my ass was hiding and rested her elbow and arm there.

Around 6:15 pm, 2 of the women in the back were dropped off, but one came back after buying some fruit. For those few minutes, it was just me, the woman next to me and her baby. My right leg, hip and neck were all quite sore from the last hour and ached, but I was happy for the moment of relief. We finally left that little town with 4 of us in the back; still not exactly comfortable…but at least my butt was in the seat and my head was no longer tilted to one side. As the woman next to me pulled her voluptuous breast out to feed her hungry baby girl, she elbowed me repeatedly in my own somewhat smaller, but still existent, right boob…this happened several times with not so much as an “excuse me”, but who am I to complain?

At 6:45 pm, after travelling for more than 9 hours, I was dropped off on the side of the road next to a sign that said CHIMPANZEE GUEST HOUSE. I could only hope that I had truly arrived…but, after the day I had just had, I was dubious. I was so excited at the start of the day; then my patience started to fade around 4 pm; my frustration mounted at 5; I was uncomfortable all day, but that peaked at 5:30 and didn’t let up til 6:30. If I had been in the states, I would have complained or argued with the transportation folks (or just driven the 4 hours to get there on my own!)…but as I am in another country, I must go with the flow of their lives. So, as I calmly looked out the window of that car and took deep breaths, I focused on two things: the men suffering true pain and discomfort in the non fiction novel I’m reading. In 1815, an American ship wrecked on the west coast of Africa and the men were taken captive as they reached the end stages of dehydration and starvation. Unfortunately, they were then forced to suffer further as they travelled throughout the Sahara with their unforgiving Arab captors. Already exhausted and weak, the men were bloodied from the skin on the inside of their legs chafing on the camels they were riding without saddles, their feet were shredded as they ran alongside the camels on the sharp stones to give their legs a rest, their naked bodies (the Arabs had taken all of their clothing) were literally roasted by the sun to the point of being covered in raw skin and they were wasting away due to a lack of food and water. How could I complain because I was stuffed tighter than a can of sardines into the Ugandan version of a clown car (which, coincidentally, was not funny AT ALL) whilst reading of the terrible true life suffering of these seamen??? The second thing I focused on? BEER. All I could hope was that at the end of this unbelievably and unexpectedly long day, there would be a beer available to drink!

And there was.

And a beautiful sunset too.

Three amazing stories from the field...

2008-03-20T10:00:00.001-07:00

Jeez, I don’t even know where to begin. First let me explain…I didn’t actually celebrate my birthday for 5 days, that’s what I would have been tempted to do had I been home. It was a very quiet, calm and simple birthday (three words you probably won’t hear me use in the same sentence as “my birthday” for a long time)…but, it was just like Uganda and very lovely! And that picture I posted with the blog is with my first and only beer of the evening (delicious as it was…”when it hits your lips, it just tastes so good!”). I thought some of you may be missing the “Marci” face so I took that one for all of you :) !

Now…for my present blog. There’s absolutely no way I can ever describe to you the kind of off roading I endured yesterday…from 10:30-5:30. Cramped sometimes 4, or even 5, to a space that comfortably fits 3, and driving all through the hills of rural Uganda (re: no paved roads and LOTS of holes). By the end of the day, I was exhausted and my body was aching. But the purpose of the trip was to distribute seeds, machetes and hoes to the farmers; as well as to meet a few families and interview them, either pre or post house. So that part was great!

Again, in 2 cases, the women told their stories of how they were widowed by AIDS several years ago, only to find out shortly thereafter that they were also suffering from the disease themselves. One woman was so ill before she received any treatment, that the community actually told LWF/RACOBAO not to waste their time. They said she would be taken to the hospital just to die and then they would have to bring her lifeless body back. I could have never guessed that 3 years ago, this woman was on her deathbed because today she looks so healthy and happy. The women explained how ill they had been at one time, how hopeless; and how having the home and water tank built for them by LWF/RACOBAO truly changed their lives. Both women also received “Family Sufficient Kits” which included 2 beds, 2 mattresses, 2 blankets, 2 mosquito nets, jerry cans which are used to fetch water, cups and plates. They no longer had to worry about the cold, the rain, the mosquitoes which only made their illness worse and negatively affected their children; and they didn’t have to worry about fetching water (a task that can include walking a few miles round trip and be seriously exhausting, especially for someone suffering from HIV/AIDS). Their new kitchens also provide comfort in that they don’t have to worry about contamination as they did before.

For widows living with AIDS, having these new life necessities gives them an energy and confidence that they once lacked. The women also talked about how they no longer have to worry about their children and how they realize that even if they leave this world early, they know their children will be okay now because they have shelter and water. And they discussed with smiles, huge smiles, how grateful they are for that new sense of security. How their lives have changed considerably because with their psychological health now so much better, their physical health has seen positive improvements. They no longer get sick as frequently. They feel EMPOWERED and HOPEFUL. Two words that never sounded so beautiful before I saw them spoken with such happiness and gratitude. These women say that they, and the people around them, still can’t believe that they survived and overcame the dangerously awful situations that they were once in (widowed, weak, poor and sick with less than adequate shelter, no quality water source, little food, no security, constantly worrying about their children and the future)…and that now they are living such happy, full and fulfilling lives with their children fed and in school and all leading healthy lives. It is truly amazing what building a home for someone can mean. One woman even said that she is still amazed that she, as a woman, owns a home; that she never thought that could/would happen in her life and just that realization empowers her and gives her hope for the future. Amazing.

We visited one last family in the hills. A couple, who have yet to make it into town for their HIV/AIDS test results, and their 4 boys (ages 1 to 8 years old) who live on a plot of land that they own, but live in a structure built out of banana threads/leaves. The father, who is handicapped with a lame arm and leg, cannot help much with the farming, so the wife does almost all of the labor. She also walks a mile each way to make sure that they all have water to drink. As she nurses her youngest, she explains with a smile, that they eat porridge daily, made from the matooke (type of banana) and cassava that they grow; and occasionally have beans. If they are ever in need of anything else, she must work in the fields of her neighbors in exchange for whatever it is that they have that she needs. We leave all of the families with a few big bags of seed, a machete and a hoe for which they are visually very thankful…and we leave that last family also with hope. We will be building them a home soon and they know that will change their lives. They will no longer have to worry about their boys getting sick so often due to poor shelter, no blankets, no protection from the mosquitoes, etc…they will be able to rest with a bit of weight off their shoulders.

Amazing stories. Amazing families. Amazing women. And the smiles…you’d never forget those smiles!

CALL ME, I got my phone!

2008-03-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

I finally got a phone on Friday and almost forgot to pass along my phone number! I am yearning to hear some friendly voices, so please give me a call anytime. I am 7 hours ahead of you (not 10, oops) and usually go to bed around midnight...but really, call anytime b/c as long as I hear the phone and am available, i will GLADLY pick up!!!

011 256 777 540 479

If you're calling from a landline without a phone card, try dialing 10-10-987 before the number. We use that to call my family in Ecuador and it gives a great rate.

xoxoxoxoxo, M

My birthday in Uganda...

2008-03-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

As a lot of you know, I love to celebrate my birthday. What can I say? I think it's worth celebrating the beginning of a new year in your life, especially if you are happy with where you are in your life or where you are hoping to go. You know? I think everyone should celebrate big...but to each their own:). Usually I would have jumped at the chance to celebrate all weekend...with my birthday on Thursday and St. Patty's Day today, it all just blends together for 5 days of fun (if you have the energy!). But this year was much much quieter than all of my other birthdays...and still very nice. I was taken to a local restaurant/bar to enjoy my first African/Ugandan beer...fittingly a Nile Special; and received 2 necklaces, one each from the 2 colleagues who took me out. It was a very nice night and very appreciated that they took the time to hang out with me!
For the weekend, I decided to head to Kampala to check out it's infamous (or notorious) nightlife. Staying with a a friend of a friend, Gerold, I had the chance to meet several of his friends...all foreigners/expats...and get a taste of their Kampala life. We enjoyed some gin and tonics (yum!), some dancing, some great food (I indulged in many foods that are unavailable to me in Lyantonde such as Italian, Chinese, and lots of beef/meat!), one of the popular casinos (I played pontoon, the Ugandan version of blackjack), we visited an orphanage which was amazing (the kids were all sooo smiley and happy; i fell in love with little Victor pictured above), and I even caught Charlie Wilson's War at the theatre. It was a wonderful escape from rural life, but I was so excited to get back here to the farm. It's seems that it will be important for me to find a balance between my rural life in Lyantonde/working with RACOBAO and exploring the country and meeting other foreigners. It just helps to have a sense of familiarity every once and a while...it's rejuvenating and, I think, necessary.

So now, it is back to work...I realized while away that I only have 3 months left and with all that I hope to do with RACOBAO and exploring the country/region...I have to really get on it! So, now that I am adjusted to my new environment, I will start getting more involved with the work and begin to plan my different trips which include Lake Mburo Nat'l Park b/c it's only 30 km away and there are ZEBRAS; Queen Elizabeth Nat'l Park; Jinja for white water rafting on the Nile, a must do; and a trip to Murchison Falls in the north...lots of wildlife and country to be seen in all of these trips! Can't wait:).

I hope you're all wonderful! Lots of love...

My living environment...

2008-03-12T16:26:00.000-07:00

I haven’t had a chance to paint you a picture of my new living conditions yet…very simple. It’s kind of like I’m camping! I have a great room with two beds and a cabinet for clothes and then a little dresser for food and such; plus my own bathroom with running water, toilet and shower. I love sleeping underneath the mosquito net…although I haven’t experienced a big problem with mosquitoes or bugs in general…it does make me worry less about bugs crawling on me in the middle of the night! I’ve always hated bugs/spiders/etc. I don’t have a TV or radio (although I brought a few DVDs to watch on my laptop and have some limited itunes); no mirror except the tiny one on my little Razor phone from home. My shared kitchen consists of a fridge, sink, dresser for dishes and food staples and a hot plate with two burners. When the power is out (which happens almost daily) I get to use a karosene burner thingy and also my karosene lantern to light my room at night. Finally, to wash clothes, I soak them in a laundry basin with soap and water for about an hour, then scrub them a bit, rinse a few times to make sure soap is out, squeeze out all the water and hang. Just like camping…don’t you think??? And not too bad at all!

Now, for what I really wanted to tell you about today, about the most amazingly pleasurable experience I had this morning...the happiest moment I've had since I arrived…a hot shower! Now, it’s not the kind of warm shower you are imagining, as it was a bit of a process…but I am just so excited that I can make it happen on a regular basis (at least I hope!) because mornings are a bit chilly here! First, I tried just putting the water heater on, got out of bed an hour early to turn it on and waited an hour to give it a chance to warm up…but it was still cold. SO, I made several trips with pitchers of hot water from the sink in the kitchen (still can’t figure out why it gets hot in there so easily but not in my bathroom), filled one of my laundry basins up and set it on my toilet. Then, lathered up and showered by pouring pitchers of the hot water over my head and ducking slightly into the cold shower water to even out the temperature. It was truly amazing! I stood there smiling and said to myself, “the smaller things in life really ARE what make us so happy.” What an exhilirating start to a gorgeous day here…

A time of mourning...

2008-03-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven’t even had a chance to share my first post with most of you, and unfortunately, my second one must start with sadness. There is just no way that I can avoid acknowledging the loss of one the most important people in my life…my angel, my grandma. My biggest fear when I came on this journey to Uganda was not of being eaten by a lion or kidnapped by rebels (serious risks in some parts of Africa so my friends liked to remind me)…but of being so unbearably far away when my tired and weak grandmother passed away. It is hard to describe the complete devastation a person can feel when you read an email giving you such heartbreaking news, especially when you are so impossibly far from all those by whom you yearn to be...

And on a day in which I had been a part of some important moments in the community…meeting organic farmers eager to learn what they can do to better their production (and sharing with them my own sister’s organic farming journey); meeting a woman living with AIDS looking for assistance with a new home or at least a better food supply…she is a widow of HIV, mother to 3 children, taking care of a 4th child (her brother’s child) because he too succumbed to the disease; and finally meeting a woman whose house was destroyed in a storm last year and has been living in a makeshift shelter with 4 of her 9 children…she too a widow of AIDS, who remarried just to be abandoned by that second husband and left with 3 small children for which to care. All of them telling their stories with such grace and dignity in the face of such hardship. It was such a productive day in the field…my second of many…and it helped me see what I am here to do. Whether or not I am able to figure out how to update RACOBAO’s website (something they were really hoping I could help with and I’m still putting my best foot forward!)…I was full of hope today and had many thoughts of different possibilities and networking that can be done to help make things happen. Of course, I will have to lean on all of you reading this for help and support in realizing some of those thoughts and hopes…but there is so much hope. There is so much to be done and this organization and its staff are amazing. They truly care about the well being of their neighbors and have so many projects going on it’s hard to keep track of them all. They never stop smiling, even after a long day out in the field meeting with different people in need or interviewing potential volunteer counselors…their smiles are still there and it is truly amazing. Their compassion, kindness, genorisity and sincerity is unwavering and inspiring.

It was my new friend and colleague, Goretti, who helped me phone my family while I was in tears. And Ruth who told me to stay strong, Steven as well…obviously understanding my pain, but knowing they could do little to help. Most of the staff goes home on the weekend to be with the families that they spend the week missing...but Goretti actually cancelled her trip home so that we can spend the day together tomorrow. There was no talking her out of it, she did not want me to be alone…she will be here at 11 to walk with me to town for lunch. In a moment when I felt sooooo alone and far from the people I wish I could be with, the compassion of these very new friends and colleagues reminded me of the beauty in this world.

So, my final words today are for my dear sweet angel...it is so difficult to pay tribute to the amazing woman that you were in simple words, but in a very meager attempt to honor one of the most beautiful people that I will ever have the pleasure of knowing… For so many years now, you have been my living angel and it is with great sorrow (and selfishness) that I must admit that you are now my angel from above. I know you have gone to a beautiful place, a place that you deserve to be more than anyone else…but I truly wanted to have you here with me forever. I hate that I am so far away and unable to be with you and all those that love you; but please take with you forever all of my love. You will always be with me…your sweet smile, your soft skin, your gorgeous shining white hair, your beautiful blue eyes, your comforting and loving hugs…every touch, every moment, everything…you will always be with me. I carry you with me…I carry you with me in my heart.

First days in Lyantonde

2008-03-06T11:33:00.000-08:00

Well, it's hard to believe, but I've made it...I'm in my new town in Uganda! It was quite the journey getting here, both from figuring out the logistics stateside (including moving out of my house, tying up loose ends, quitting my job at The Quincy, taking care of my dental emergencies, packing, etc.) and the actual journey flying from DC to London (3 fabulous days in London spent with 4 friends I hadn't seen in almost 4 years!) and then London to Entebbe. Upon arrival at the airport (9 am), I was greeted by RACOBAO's director and we drove the hour to Kampala where we then spent a few hours driving around running errands for both of us. Then a 3 hour drive to Lyantonde. I slept most of the day in the car...my body clock was just all messed up...and we arrived at the office and my new home at 5 pm! Wow. But I made it:).

The last few days have been quite calm and relaxing...as I feel daily life in Uganda tends to be. I think my body is finally adjusted to the new time zone...10 hours ahead of east coast...so that helps. I have met a lot of the people who work here; gone to the market with Ruth and Goretti for pineapple, passion fruit and guacomole fixings:); eaten goat, but passed on the traditional breakfast of plantain and cow intestines; gone into the field and observed as they interviewed potential volunteers; read/written by karosene lantern light just like Laura Ingalls (power goes out often); enjoyed a few cold showers (not sure if water actually gets warm); been greeted at my front door by a few grazing cows; and I've been followed by several different possies of children excited to see a white person (Mzungu)...i think some of them may have never seen anyone like me before! So, it's been a good week so far...I completely lose track of time and days, which is kind of nice in a way. It's so carefree; very little stress. It is very quiet in this little town, except for the birds; and at night it is quite dark because there are no street lights anywhere. It is quite a simple life; many soft spoken people; lots of smiles.

So, all is well. I plan to explore this weekend a bit and will write again soon. I cannot say thank you enough to all of you who have supported me for so long; through all of my good/happy moments and all of the hard/sad ones. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you and for all of your love and patience and understanding. Thank you forever from the bottom of my heart...I carry you always with me.